Stay as calm as you can be if you do get the opportunity to speak to the OW. The calmer you are, the better because you aren't giving her your power!
I can now laugh about the time I confronted the ow on her job at the hospital. She was a transcriber for the doctors in the cardiac unit. She never saw me coming and when I left her, she had her head in her hands the patients were clapping for what I had done. My xh never said one word to me about her and he knew better.
Hang in there and I'm praying that everything falls into place for you and God gives you the strength to listen and tell her what is on your mind.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I have just been reading you story. I wish you the best of luck during your conversation this evening. I am glad that you are calm about it, that is the best approach.
I had a convo with my H last week too. I was nervous but told him very calmly that its over and I wanted out of our M. Its really hard, but you can do it.
Me 38 H 39 M13 T18 S6 S9 Bomb Drop 11/11 Moved Out 7/12 Still have hope. No OW that I know of..
Is there some reason you have to believe that H is not an addict? It certainly looks as if he is a gambling addict and a sex addict. Addicts notoriously appear to be narcissistic, when the problem is the addiction rather than narcissism. Perhaps you might try some sort of codependency group meetings?
Hi. Just saw this.
Maybe on the gambling. He has gone years without gambling tho, so idk.
The sex thing doesn't "feel" right, but maybe.
Thank you for stopping by.
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
Just because an addict can go "dry" for a spell, doesn't mean he's not an addict. Going and spending money on gambling every week when you have a family to take care of and a wife who has to work in a fast food restaurant sounds pretty much like an addict to me.
How much of the family money does he spend gambling?
Also - you are RIGHT to enforce a healthy boundary - he cannot live in the same house if he's going to continue his affair with OW. Virtual or otherwise.
H wants to be with you on some level, his job situation is improving, things are looking up, and he is acting out with OW??? This is self-sabotage behavior of an addict. He's a lifelong serial cheater. You can suggest he get help for his problems. He might or might not.
His choice is irrelevant to your choice to get help or not.
How much of the family money does he spend gambling?
Well that's part of what makes me hesitant to label it as an addiction - he doesn't spend any "family" money. He's very controlled with his gambling budget.
What he does take from "the family" is time. Because not only does he leave every weekend, when he's home he spends hours and hours using a software program to practice.
He seems more absorbed by what he sees as "patterns" than the money side of gambling.
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
