Married 15 yrs, 5 kids (one mine before marriage). Initial BD 2/2011, W filed 9/12, trial date set for 6/13. Last 6-8 months have been pretty awesome day to day, but W says she still doesn't feel any different about our past and wants to continue with D.
Multiple EAs on W's side, one where she continues to have regular contact. She agreed a few months ago not to talk to him or about him in our house, and only slipped on it a few times.
I've been working on insecurity, controlling behavior, being judgmental, being light hearted and fun and having a stronger faith. I feel really good about where I'm at, but there's still some deep seeded bad habits I have to watch out for, so I continue to work on it.
My issues concerning W:
- Continued contact with OM - W still wants D and believes that she can't truly be herself unless she has it
W's issues concerning me:
- A lot of resentment for first 10 years of M and resistant to forgive - Afraid of being disappointed again, so resistant to becoming vunerable - Believes once she makes a decision she has to stick with it
My current plan:
After our last discussion about D (a week ago), I felt like I needed to change gears. Great advice from Mach1 and when I read back thru my thread, I see that in November Denver was actually telling me the "plan A, plan B" thing:
Quote:
Plan A - Get along with cheating spouse, show them legit changes, don't rock the boat, be kind and loving, be the person that the cheating spouse fell in love with... essentially be the rock... the lighthouse home.
Plan B - Take all of that away from the cheating spouse. No contact except for "bills and boys" as J3B coined it.
Honestly, it won't be as drastic as described above as we are still living in the same house and sleeping in the same bed, but I'm basically starting plan B. I have accepted that D is coming and decided that I will take a proactive approach. I will meet with my attorney in the next week or two and nail out the details of the D and start moving in that direction. I am not going to enter back into a relationship with W unless she wants it, and is willing to stop all contact with OM.
And with that....journaling these two tidbits:
1) Last night during work conversation, I asked if OM was involved. She said no, so I asked if she could cut contact completely at this point without impacting her business, and she said "yeah." So her excuses for OM contact are gone, yet they are still in contact daily. I think this is important...it's fully in her control now, there's no financial implications.
2) This morning W tells me, "if I get this deal, I'm going to take you to Vegas!" Prior to our last court date, this wouldn't have surprised me because of how well things seemed. But now, I have pulled back considerably...no touching, no hanging out, etc, so it's a little bit weird to hear that.
