Life, One Day at a Time (22 months)

[adinva]

25, I respect your input so much. I am right on the edge of reefer madness and well aware of it. My only saving grace is that I have been literally the coolest most patient and respectful mom ever up until now so it's a real one-off and hopefully shocking.

There are a couple of parents who think I'm a little nuts, and some who think taking S15 in for this assessment is awesome.

I'm not sure it's the right thing to do, myself, but I'm willing to be upfront about that. We're experiencing it together and we'll learn and adjust as needed I guess. I was hoping it would be a recovered junkie who could tell him in ways he would understand why and how to cool it with this stuff. I am still telling myself there's no way I'm signing him up for a treatment program that meets two nights a week. I'm still tempted by denial.

But the fact is, he's doing it in our house, he's doing it under my nose, he's been caught one two three times now, he's storing the stuff in his hiding place supposedly for friends who couldn't take it home. He's just about begging me to care and do something. And when he defied my consequences and sneaked out I felt like I needed to respond with something really big.

I have been told this is completely confidential, it won't be reported to the school, team, police, or anyone. I might not submit it for insurance reimbursement and just cough up the $175, because I still fear that "permanent record" idea they used to hold over our heads when I was a kid.

I have been tempted to call them up ahead of time and say, by the way, this is what I want him to get out of this meeting, and this is what I want you to cover. I decided not to because I'm so wanting to smooth this over for S15 and help it be easy for him.

BTW I finally talked to the mom who hosted him the night he snuck out. I didn't mention to her that she supposedly picked him up, and she didn't mention it to me. But I told her I don't know what any individual of these boys is doing, I can only tell her that among the group, it is going on. And she looked me in the eye, and said, I'm so glad my B__ is so stubborn. Boy if he doesn't like the taste of something or doesn't want to do something he is NOT going to do it. I don't have to worry about him, I know he's not into that stuff. I said, "well that's nice. I asked my S if he liked the taste of it and he said he did. He also liked how it made him feel. And he and his friend lied about the chewing tobacco being someone else's for a long time before they admitted to doing it. I guess sometimes they might act more innocent than they are." I'm not going to convince her.

Oh yeah she said they do the "bro showers" at her house too and she says it's definitely not to smoke pot. I asked if she didn't think it was a little weird that homophobic adolescent male athletes are taking showers for extended periods in our upstairs bathrooms? Naaahhhh, she's pretty sure it's fine.

She told me that other moms are talking to her about my son's best friend being a bad influence on the others, and my son by connection, and that they're grumbling about not wanting their kids to hang around with ours and start chewing tobacco. Oy.

OK, so, tomorrow I pull S15 out of school early, take him out for lunch, take him to see this assessment counselor, and hopefully learn something about each other. I'm wondering if they're going to pee-test him. I don't know how he feels about that but I'd really be mad and feel personally violated by it.

I have a bunch of stories I can drag out for him about real people he knows, but my words aren't getting through to him. He has a 30yo cousin who's messing up her life and all her relationships with a probable drug habit. An uncle who can't fly on airplanes without a miserable weaning period from the pot he's hooked on, and who's drunk and pees his pants on the couch. A grandfather who overcame alcoholism. A mom who overcame addiction to cigarettes. That's all I've got, but I haven't wanted to throw his family members under the bus while he's still practically a kid.

So I guess tomorrow I'll be a crazy reefer madness parent and hope it does more good than harm. Interestingly, the boy has wound up in my bed to sleep the past few nights, so he sure doesn't hate me too much. It's so funny to see my giant grown nearly-man curled up in my bed like when he was a baby. I don't flatter myself too much; I know he's there for the dogs mostly since they insist on my bed.