What I'm learning from H stages, myself!

[albamarie]

Last night my MLCer asked me set him free! I said honey I let you go a long time ago, your still here! After about a half hour he said, why am I still here, your right, it's because I was never going to leave the family, just remove myself, I was always coming back!

Funny how my last few posts said he was going to relive zero point, it looked liked that would be his next stage, these are all the same things he said at BD. he repeated so much original stuff last night, I said you have no new material, I want my money back, I've seen this show!

I said look at the last four yrs starting with your dep leading into this flip! Your repetitive because nothing bad has happened to us since, except what you have forced upon us! As I stood on a chair over him I said and this tall guy hovering over me with the deeper voice is all you got to try to keep the spew alive and strong. He laughed, he said he's got nothing!

I revisited the set me free comment....I said what do you want. He said I don't want to be held down by the rules of M, I want to go do what I have to do for me! I said so if you want to go sleep around and be this suave guy with many girls, go! Then I gave him the list of all the things I am not getting for me, and said so what will I be missing, I can go on with my life too then. I kinda got the idea he didn't like that.

He started saying, well it's not about sleeping around or drugs its about being free to find me, it doesn't have to come to that. Then he tried to say he'll be there for my bday, but he couldn't tell me when it was, I said don't worry about it, you are free to be free, move out, cut it, separated from me, all the expressive words you've used.

I left it alone, but from that point he couldn't leave me alone all night and into the morning when I opened my eyes there he was talking to me! He said what would I do with my retirement! I said all the things he loves now and more with our g-children. He got close to me, hugging me, finally falling asleep. I told him if he just took meds for his manic dep he would be able to think clearer, and sleep!

I'm only writing all of this to see my journey through "as the MLC turns"! In the end what h said that's of any importance is how much it's not my doing, it's his flip to deal with, this family is his priority over all, and he will not take us down if he chooses that route. I know we're done as a couple, I know I need a new plan for me, I also know he's coming from a place of confusion.

MLC is kicking our asses and its not going down without casualties, if at all!