Portia, My heartfelt condolences go out to you and your family. I am so sorry to come here today and read that your parent has passed away. Take the time to grieve and do not allow anyone to tell you when you should stop grieving. You will know when you have healed.
As for your XSO, I don't think you are ready to face him or have a meet up. I think you would end up providing emotional support to him and his selfishness, w/o him giving anything in return. However, that's my opinion.
Please take care of yourself. This is your time to devote to you and also your family. If your XSO really loves you, he will be there waiting for you when you are ready to meet up w/him and he will listen and support you the proper way.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
