Sitting in the back seat!

[Grateful]

Thanks labug!

Have spent the afternoon reading DR. It doesn't cease to amaze me! Although not gothalf way through yet, almost every page, I wonder if its been written about my W! Great to reassert that my Sitch is not "original' and that my W actions and feelings toward me are very,very common!!

It is funny how similar most of the WAW's are. However, I wonder if all of us LBS are similar as well ... controlling, ignoring, insensitive, etc. I am not say that you are. I was, and I am just wondering if we all follow a "script" as well.

[Occy01]

Hi Grateful

It is funny how similar most of the WAW's are. However, I wonder if all of us LBS are similar as well ....

Thats an interesting question you have there!
My list of crimes include Ego, insensitivity, ignorance (of the result of my behaviour), and promising long term change but delivering short term.

But on the flipside I love my W and children with all my heart and soul. How then can I have acted so?

Realising and admitting to having these destructive behaviour patterns is the first step to getting rid of them...

[Occy01]

Oh well, the day has arrived. Didn't get much sleep last night, just kept seeing my childrens faces.... W has decided we tell them tonight.
The last few days have been up and down, but today is definitely down.
Going to meet C in an hour, on my own. This one is not an MC, but was recommended by our MC, will help me with myself and my issues. Hopefully will be able to start getting a grip on things.

On BD, asked W if she was having an A. She said no. After talking with colleagues about my Sitch, and the fact that she seems to be pushing forward so quickly( BD 18 Jan, bought house and is moving out 18 march!!) , I begin to have small doubts about her answer. But I don't want to bring it up again. Wonder if this is paranoia, a natural part of this process....

Sad, so very sad

[Intact]

It's probably not paranoia - my W said the same and there was another man.

Seems too me like their usually is.

[labug]

Occy, would it change anything for you if there is?

[Occy01]

Intact: Thanks for the input, sorry to hear how it was for you. I guess the truth comes out anyway.

Labug: Probably not. Just more pain. I love her and don't think I would just stop...

On my way home soon. In panic mode now...

[labug]

Breathe.

[Occy01]

Breathe....

Thanks labug. Read your post minutes before we told the children. Helped to put some perspective on things. Just 7 letters can mean so much.

Totally finished just now. Sooooo tired, been a strange evening. Will post tomorrow with how it went, but can say that my children are amazing. They took it better than expected, better than I did on BD!!! But very aware of the fact that reality hasn't hit them yet...

Goodnight all...

[Occy01]

So, told the children.
Adinva, now I understand what you meant. I was a total mess up to the point when we called them into the room. So hard to do, but we kept things simple. I actually saw the exact second that my son's heart broke....

Both cried a while, lots of hugs from myself and W, and reassurances that its nit their fault and we love them.

Put them to bed and took a large whisky! Then got a big hug from W, and she told me well done and how happy she was that I'd picked myself up from a TOTAL mess, and pulled it together when it counted. Think I got some respect there.... And thats great coming from my W who told me on BD that she had no respect for me.

The children have been ok today, but I think the reality of it all hasn't hit them yet. Must be there and be strong when it does...

Can't get the look on my sons face out of my head....

[Occy01]

After a rather pleasant evening, W tells me that she has been mentally preparing for this for 8 years. 8 years!!! What? We've been together for 13 years, have a 9 year old and a 5 year old and have been married for 4 years. But she's been preparing for this for 8 years????

Thats gotta hurt...