How to make it work again?

[scaredsilly]

Hi tori, I am. I'm very practical. I will do it to protect my son.

[oldtimer]

SS,

I'm really concerned that harboring these things will hurt your reconciliation. You are keeping secrets that it sounds like you believe if H knew, H would leave. That isn't an honest, authentic R. What if he had similar secrets?

I'm just not sure how you can feel good about what you are doing or how you can look at H with genuine love and respect under such conditions.

[scaredsilly]

Well, I can. I know there is no such thing as a perfect marriage. I also know no partner in a marriage is 100% honest, 100% of the time.

My H has things I know nothing about, like his relationship with his kids and family. I'm content with that.

My H has deceived me several times with our money. I don't think I can be blamed for any mistrust I feel. As long as I'm with him, I'm not worried. I do check our accounts regularly however, I've gone from daily monitoring to more like weekly, if at all.
His feeling towards me have changed and he doesn't feel the need to protect his assets from me. Of course, I've never given him reason to.

He has qualities that I love and respect. He also makes a great living and we have shared property. Our relationship is working very well now.

This future separation of finances is not something I am thinking about or obsessing about. In fact, it seems to bother you more than it does me.

Thank you for your concern but it's not a major issue in my life at this time.

[oldtimer]

Oh, I understand the mistrust. I just wish for your own sake there was a path forward that resolved the mistrust.

Glad things are going well for you now. Maybe as time goes on you'll find that a need for a solution takes care of itself because the worry disappears :-)

[scaredsilly]

Thank you! You never know...

[needgrace]

Hi SS,

I was just thinking about you and decided to check-in on your thread. Sounds like you are doing so very well... You are such an example to me. (((((((((((((((((((( )))))))))))))))))))))))

[scaredsilly]

Aw, thank you, Grace, but it is YOU who are the fine example to me of how to be especially kind and caring!

I am doing very well. Thank you for checking in. H and I are getting along very well. We have expressed love for each other and we are doing caring and thoughful things for each other.

I hate to say it but it seems to me, the major problems in our marriage came about during the time his adult daughter lived with us. That is something I will never go through again. I also suspect my H realizes this and would not ask for it again.

So, all in all, I'm in what seems to be a good marriage now. We are making plans for our summer vacations and trips and working together on all that needs to be done in our lives. It's a level of cooperation we haven't had since SD23 moved in.

I'm pretty happy! And, the best part of all, I'm no longer afraid! I'm a better person than I was because of this and I know I can be happy, married or not.

I wish that for everyone here, too...especially, YOU!

((((()))))

[makingmagic]

SS... me again, can I ask what kind of things you did to mess up your chances of reconcilliation? you mentioned you didn't do them over and over (wish I would learn), when was the last big error you did? how long did it take before that till you were repairing your relp? (sorry so many questions, I hope you care to share)... Tx, waitingformagic.

[scaredsilly]

Of course I'll share. I'll go to your thread, though, because I made most of them when I was in newcomers.

[makingmagic]

ok... I will wait/watch for the post. Tx