I started getting niggles that things weren't right last year and made some big steps in improving myself and our marriage - or so I thought.
It sounds like you're already doing some great things, unfortunately you were a little behind the curve as your H was probably already planning his exit before you started making the changes. That's OK, just keep up with your changes, he'll notice them but it'll take him a while to accept they're real and not just tricks to get him back.
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We started to see a MC but then H decided against it ( waste of time, only out for the money) so I took to the Internet and books.
I have yet to read one instance of MC helping with a WAS. The problem is the WAS is already done long before MC starts, so by then they're just seeking validation that leaving is the right thing to do.
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I have made a huge improvement in my anxiety issues, and I'm continuing with my mini goals that I have set myself. I have also managed to lose that hard to shift 5kg and get my diabetes numbers stable. I'm really pleased with myself with what I have achieved so far.
Fantastic! Keep it up!
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He has agreed to stay for six months.
Good! Have you read DR? If not then get it right away. Also read Sandi's DB tips (thread at top of forum). Those tips are a life-saver, read them every day so you know what to do and not do around H. Give him time and space, remove all pressure, work on yourself and let him digest your changes.
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She also visits our home on occasions for meals (keep your friends close,and your enemies closer!!!)
That's not a good strategy when it comes to an OP because it pushes them together more often. Also you can inadvertently send a message that they have your blessing in an affair.
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I have been reading about the 180' and a lot of what I have been doing seems to be along those lines.
It does sound that way, so stick with it! The changes have to be consistent and they have to be done over a long period of time before they truly impact the WAS.
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I honestly believe that she doesn't feel the same way towards H as he does about her, either that or I shall nominate her for an Oscar. H is definitely enamoured with her at the moment though.
You could very well be right. Often a WAS will fall in love with an idea rather than an actual person. So he may have this fantasy in his head about OW and he's in love with that fantasy but it may not reflect reality at all.
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I haven't asked H to leave.
And you shouldn't, but if he says he wants to then just validate with something like "I want you to stay and work on the M, but more than that I want you to be happy and if you feel that leaving will make you happy then I support your decision." It's important that he feel no pressure from you regarding leaving or staying, if he understands it's his choice to make then he may not feel the need to leave anytime soon.
