I never get Ex out of my life because although my kids have grown and don't hae much to do with him. We have a severely disabled son and I make the effort to get him to his dad when he asks to see him.
I moved 3 hours away 2 years ago. Up until then, Ex kept OW away from Ryan (disabled adult son). But when he started visiting him (at a midway point at a mall) after we moved - he started bringing her along. And she started touching my son and acting like she knew him so well. My son's nurse goes along (one of 4) and each of them has told me she invades Ryan's personal space and asks a lot of personal questions. Without any input from me - not one of them feels she behaves appropriately and they do not like her.
I am away for 2 months for a break. I have taken care of Ryan at night and sometimes during the day for nearly 30 years. He requires a ton of special care. His dad has NEVER taken care of him or arranged his care. In fact he never really asks either. It is better this way because I spend hours in meetings and making arrangements.
This winter the agency I use did not feel they could cover the overnight care while I was a way and suggested he stay in respite in a good nursing home nearby. He is really just there to sleep and I pay his nurses to go in daily to be with him, take him out to his daily programs and report to me. It really is expensive to do this but it goes above and beyond what he would receive just staying in a nursing home. But one of the things of a nursing home is that they don't get a daily shower. Most of those days I have the girls take him to my house where he can be showered.
He visited his dad last Saturday (at Dad's request). I paid for the girls to get him and drive him 2 hours south to the mall. The agency's policy (and mine) is that all info about him is kept private. If dad wants to know something - he needs to ask me.
So, Sat afternoon, my worker texted me that ex was asking her lots of questions about Ryan that she could not answer and becoming very agitated with her. So texted him to ask him what the problem was. Then came a SLEW of texts about how Ryan had not been showered, obviously must be in a nursing home, he didn't like what he saw etc. OW got into the discussion too about how this was the worst she's seen him. Obviously he is not being cared for properly etc. NOTE: I do not look good when I do not have a shower. There were no other signs of a problem other than unwashed hair. He has clean clothes, is well nourished and has no cuts, scrapes or bruises.
But his texts to me made no sense. He went on about being informed of Ryan's accommodations, how he feels like he's a "third father" (I have no idea what that means), and how he should be making some of these decisions. (WHAT???? After nothing for 30 plus years). He seems to forget that he signed over custody and care and wanted once every 6 weeks or so visitation. He has also not once EVER asked about Ryan's care.
I responded that I needed a break but that Ryan was being well cared for. That his shower was missed so he could get to the mall on time. I also reminded him that I provide excellent care and arrangements for Ryan.
I know that won't be the end of it. No doubt - he and OW went off about it and egged each other on. He probably went to his lawyer on Monday to see what he could do because he would dearly love to make me look bad.
OK - sorry that was so long. It all happened just as I was off to the airport to pick up a friend who was visiting till yesterday. First chance I've had to talk about it. The agency has been in touch with me and they were not pleased with the way he treated the nurse. If he keeps it up - they might pull their nurses from visitation - that would make things really tough.
