LIS, Thanks for geting in touch - it means a lot to know you're there.
I'm getting on with life, busy at work and with the kids. Exhausted mostly, but having a lot of great times with them.
Stbx has gone quiet after the manic calling and emailing of the last 2 weeks.
It's bliss not to have to even consider him. It's really only financial issues that I have to worry about in respect of him now. Once we go to court on those, I'm expecting he'll go OTT again.
So tired of it all, now.
Apparently FIL is receiving chemo and radio therapy prior to surgery to remove his cancer, but neither stbx nor MIL/FIL will talk to me about it.
I struggle with my new role as outsider when someone I thought was part of my family is seriously ill.. but I have to realise it is their choice, not mine. Makes it hard, though, to help the kids through this. They are worried about their grandpa, but I can't offer any info or advice.
Makes me mad that stbx's parents can't see how things affect their grandkids, but then again... that's MY problem.
No Sunshine, it's THEIR problem. Your kids will make it through this because you are an outrageously strong woman and a great mom! I was always so struck about how my parents treated our separation compared to how my H's parents treated our separation. And mind you, my parents have 6 marriages between them and his parents have been married over 40 years. My parents reached out to my H. My mother told him that no matter what, he'll always be her son. She kept the lines of communication open. My in-laws cut me off. And told my H that if he was unhappy, he should leave.
Well, it stunk. I felt like an outsider. I felt bad about myself and unworthy. My FIL stood at my wedding and gave a stirring speech about how I was the daughter he always wanted but never had. He was proud to have me and that I would always be his daughter. Until... lol
Anyway, it's the difference between personality and character isn't it? The personality says all the right things but it's the person with character who DOES the right things. It's been a nasty journey. It wouldn't be the first time that I ran across someone who lacked strength of character... plenty of that along the way. BUT, I have met wonderful people who I know sure as anything will be there for me. I've been at my absolute worst and these people crawled into the hole with me. NLW, find those people. Start trusting others and let them in. Give yourself the chance to be loved by those who will count throughout your life. I cut everyone off and that was a mistake. I was so embarrassed about what had happened. But it wasn't me who should have been embarrassed! My H cheated, my H lied, my H left, my H drank. He did that. Not me. That reflected his bad character, not mine!
Yes, it gets a lot easier when they aren't around. It's amazing. Keep moving forward. And keep in touch as best you can. I truly do think about you all the time. I'm praying for you.
I got the same 'personality' message from my FIL at time of BD. "We will always love you both"; "We won't be taking sides"
12 months later, and when stbx decides I'm the bad guy, things started to change.
I take your point about needing to let others in. I've been very closed off about this. Just don't want to come across as the whining/ "It's all his fault" type. And like you, I've been SO embarrassed by the scandal that he's caused. But I'm definitely ready to deal with it now.
I will be D-ed in 2 weeks time, and it's almost with a sense of relief. Strange, isn't it?
It's as if I need to get this behind me. I'm sure stbx must feel the same way (only X100).
Now if I could only work out how to make him pay something by way of upkeep for those darned impediments I refer to as our kids....not to mention all those debts I racked up all on my own!
Thanks for your care and your prayers. You have helped me beyond words...
Had a strange experience today that indicated to me that I've reached some sort of level of detachment.
Still feel the need to post about it - I suppose that shows I'm not 'over' him/it yet... but REALLY, there have to be limits to what people have to put up with, don't there?
What do you all think?
I pull out of our local supermarket and stop at the traffic lights.
At the cafe, right out on the sidewalk in the 40 degree centigrade heat, sit OW and stbx. They are the only occupants of the sidewalk tables. Everyone else is inside the air-con cafe.
She sees my car and smirks at me. Immediately tells stbx that I'm there. He's sitting in his chair with his back to me. I'm stuck at the red light for what seems like 10 mins, right next to them. OW keeps talking to him and smiling. She pours him a drink from the bottle they have on their table and then she runs her hand right up his thigh. She looks at me again and smirks.
I drive away eventually but look in my rear view to see STBX look after my car.
I should point out that this took place in a village-suburb where all the parents of our 2 kids live and shop at this supermarket and cafe. They seem to be going to great lengths to display themselves in public.
To me, this is just off behaviour. To be flaunting themselves like this where all our kids' friends and parents can see them without us even being D-ed.
Anyway, I just drove on by. Good for me, I suppose. Felt sort of dead inside.
What was that quote about OW being the bacteria that feeds on the fungus that lives on the pond scum?
Wanted to see what you guys thought.
People shouldn't behave like this should they?
Why do they want to do this to the kids and me? Ok, fine, have a relationship with someone else, but to do it on our doorstep and so publicly.
IDK..... What happened to basic human decency?
As I write, my home phone has just started ringing. I know it's him because it's rung 4X straight and he'd know I've just arrived home. I'm not answering.
My H is similar. I think they are both still to scared of everyone's reaction to "go public". But the bounds of decency just don't seem to register to these people. She commented on our vacation photos. Of course, this was months before I knew about it, but really?!
Big HUGS!!! For me, the more this stuff happens (my idiot H left out a birthday card she gave him on his counter. And he had lead me to believe it was over with them) the more close to done I am. I don't know what would need to happen to erase the hurt over the repeated disrespect and disregard for my feelings.
You handled that amazing!! It's so hard to not flip your stuff and lower yourself to their level.
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
