Treading water

[25yearsmlc]

PON, Bond and 25, I can't express enough how grateful I am that you vets are providing your insight to me.

Bond, W has initiated. The last time was about 3-4 weeks ago. Actually the most recent time, I turned over in bed and hugged/held her ( hoping to ML) but she actually made the "first move".

This is a good sign. And a bit unusual.

25, early on after we ML, I did feel sad. We actually discussed whether we should continue to ML because we were both so confused and we both felt sad afterwards. After thinking about this for a few days I came to the conclusion that we should continue to ML. I told her how I felt. Long story short, we resumed. I don't feel that sadness anymore. I am not sure why, I just don't.

"Why would I not want to ML?"... My only answer is that it may be considered pursuit which DB is strongly against.

it's not a universal rule. The only universal rule is to do what helps the m and not do what hurts it.

Occasionally I think people reach for this too fast so they can do "nothing" and call it detaching/not pursuing. They're sitting on their hands though, DOING nothing new or different.

SOMETIMES the LBSer wasn't showing a lot of interest in the WAS (or so the WAS thought/said)..that's a perfect time TO pursue more, not less...

When she has declined I have been able to take it in stride. I have not shown any anger or hurt.

Good!! That means she's not saying yes to avoid conflict or escalation. She is saying "yes".

I would like to say that I do not try very often. I was very fortunate in that we have always had a great sex life. ML was never an issue. So just to put it into perspective, our sex life has really decreased in frequency.

Having a strong physical connection was a strength we had as well. And I can only tell you that it's not as common as you'd like to think. Sometimes you have to trust your instinct, and hers. I think if you can nurture or remind her of this connection, giving her something to miss DOES help.


I guess I will continue to try to occasionally initiate ML with no expectations that she will be willing.

Just curious...are you concerned that if you initiate more than "occassionally" she'll feel pressured? OR reject you? I get that...otherwise, though, why lessen this to "occasional" if it's a helpful thing? Definitely have no expectatios and be FINE if she says no thanks. It's not as personal as you might think.

Again, thank you guys for your insight. I hope you will continue to check in on my sitch and chime in whenever you see fit. You give me such hope.

Well, I see hope.