I agree that we have no control over who our spouse or x-spouse dates or brings into our children's lives. I have been separated for 2 years, yet not D yet. We have a D5, D4 and S1 (I was 9 weeks pregnant when H left). H started an EA with OW before he left, which turned into a PA 3 months after.

She met my kids 2 months after H left and has never left their lives. She is now "daddy's friend" who has "sleepovers" with her kids at my H's apt. My girls constantly talk about her, they say they miss her, they miss her kids, they love her presents, etc. H has said OW is not going anywhere and I know he will marry her someday.

I have really struggled with what would be the right thing to do when it comes to my interactions or acceptance of OW. Should I welcome her and treat her right? Should I sit next to her during my kids' soccer games and have small talk?

I have even asked my priest what would be the right thing to do and what would forgiveness towards her look like, because I struggle with it. He said that I should not badmouth her or my H with my kids, or say or do mean things to her or her kids. I never do either. Yet he added that I am under no obligation to interact with her in any way or even talk to her if we end up attending the same events (which we will). I don't need to have any relationship with her.

If I choose this, I know my kids will notice and will eventually ask why I don't talk to her or like her. Someday, when they are adults, if they still want to know, I will tell them that I have chosen to not talk to her because I don't approve with the way she started an improper R with their father, my husband, while we were still married. I would hope they would understand and if not, at least respect my decision, but if they don't that will be ok too. I simply don't see myself being able to have any kind of relationship with someone that helped break up my marriage.


Me & H: 44
D7, D6, S3
Together: 20y, M: 17y
EA: 11/13/10, Sep: 12/23/10
EA becomes PA: Spring 2011
H filed for D: 09/06/12
D Negotiating began 2/15
OW seemingly gone on 3/15
Still negotiating D