I think there are situations where a marriage should be ended. I just don't believe most failed marriages are actually in those situations. I don't believe mine is. Isn't that the whole point of DB?
Our perceptions are so clouded. My W has a mother and 2 aunts who have been divorced. I have asked them, and they all say that in their situation, divorce was the best option. I don't believe that. In each of their stories, I see self-centered people who didn't give their marriage a priority. People who were spiritually lost and had immature perceptions of what it means to be happy, or to love. These people later found happiness, not because they changed partners, but because these perceptions matured.
There is an underlying truth to these situations. Was living with you truly bad enough to justify thinking "he would die in our relationship". Did he honestly try "Everything he could". Did he really have "No other choice", but to have an affair. You no that the TRUTH is "NO". This isn't just your "View", it is reality.
My thinking is going the other way. I am beginning to see things more "Black and White".
Mature people base a marriage on unconditional love. They take the time to nurture the relationship. They are honest and dependable. They learn how to communicate and resolve problems. But, mostly, they are committed to making the marriage work and demonstrate that commitment by not giving up when things get tough. I know that in my marriage, neither my wife or I truly understood these things. Maybe it takes a failed marriage to learn these things. Maybe some people never do.
