Poll of the day

[Jeack]

Mr Bond. I've read both books. And we've done this multiple times. we've been married for less than 2 years and this second filing. i do love her but there comes a time when enough is enough. I can't keep being blamed for everything. I'm not a angel but i'm a good guy!!!!!

[MrBond]

"I can't keep being blamed for everything. I'm not a angel but i'm a good guy!!!!!"

Yes you can because it's not hurting you. There comes a time when WAS's go off and make the LBS seem like the devil himself. What you will come to realize is that it doesn't matter what the WAS thinks because YOU know it's not true. THem spewing at you doesn't hurt you. You GIVE her the power to belittle you. Take that power away and she can say the nastiest things and you'll just laugh them off.

That's what detachment does.

[Jeack]

You nailed it Mr Bond well I'm detaching for sure!!!!!

[Jeack]

Well the crap hit the fan last night. I transferred her portion of our tax return to her. Texted make sure we agreed on the amount which she wanted half but we agreed to a third. Started arguing about who's filing for divorce. She said I should cause she doesn't know how to. I told her to grow up and start learning how to do things on her own. The thing that's hurts the most was I texted her the night before about Retrov and she said lets take it one step at a time. So I asked her last night about it, and her response was " I just said that so you wouldn't be spiteful and not give me my money" wow. Needless to say I booked a flight to Miami to get away for a few leaving Sunday. Can't wait!

[AnotherStander]

Started arguing about who's filing for divorce.

Do you want a divorce? I don't think you do, you've mentioned RetroV. And if not, I would think that this would be a really short conversation rather than an argument.

She said I should cause she doesn't know how to. I told her to grow up and start learning how to do things on her own.

Sounds like the two of you are just pushing each other's buttons. Try to remember you want to show her 180's, you want to model behavior that is the opposite of what it was in the M. So instead of arguing with her on this and telling her to "grow up" you might have tried something like "I understand you want a D, but that is not what I want, at least not right now. If you wish to pursue it then I can't stop you, but right now I am still in a position of wanting to work on a new relationship with you and as such I am not willing to initiate a divorce." And let that be the end of the conversation.

[Jeack]

No. I don't want a divorce, But I think I want this to work for the wrong reasons. I can't trust her and I can't fix her. I've had countless therapist tell me that it's not me. Even the marriage counselor we seen had told me unless she goes to individual therapy our marriage will never work. So unfortunately how i'm feeling right now is to throw in the towel, detach go dark. I dropped off the retainer for the lawyer to file for D we'll see if she signs it. Now all i can do put my faith in gods hands and wait for the outcome!

[Jeack]

Well I just came home from vacation, received a email from the wife that she filed for D should be getting the papers any day now. Also found out my best friend growing up who's only 35 has cancer. I guess it's all over. I really did love her. I just feel so lost right now. I guess when I get the papers just sign them and wait the 90 days for it to be final. She is like a different person. I'm second guessing telling her i couldn't be friends with her if she wanted a divorce. but I guess the results would have been the same. This [censored]!

[Verum]

I guess when I get the papers just sign them and wait the 90 days for it to be final. She is like a different person. I'm second guessing telling her i couldn't be friends with her if she wanted a divorce. but I guess the results would have been the same. This [censored]!

Why not wait until the last possible day to sign? During this time don't contact her and don't reply when she contacts you. Think about what 180's you want to do, and start them as well as GAL to help take your mind off of things.

[Accuray]

I think if you wait until the last possible day you are just antagonizing her and creating angst. Act as if it doesn't bother you and get it done. Ironically the best thing you can do right now is not care too much about the present -- take a longer term view.

[Jeack]

I think if you wait until the last possible day you are just antagonizing her and creating angst. Act as if it doesn't bother you and get it done. Ironically the best thing you can do right now is not care too much about the present -- take a longer term view.

That's my plan, i'm not gonna drag it out or delay it. That won't be good for either one of us. I'm just hoping we can be civil and not snip shoot each other, Her mother is a gold digger and probably telling her to try and take me to the cleaners. There's not much to take. So i figure if we remain civil there could always be a chance down the road. does that seem weird to think?