Sitting in the back seat!

[adinva]

Sorry to see that you have Friday hanging over your head. I really dreaded telling my kids, and I thought it would be the worst thing ever. I really didn't want to claim any part of it either, because it was entirely my H's idea.

It ended up pretty awful. I was a basket case all the while I thought it was imminent, and then when it finally happened I was just about shaking uncontrollably I was so upset. But I didn't want to make it easy on myself, or try to manage what would be said or felt, too much. I wanted my kids to cry if they were going to cry, or possibly not if they didn't. Whichever was right for them.

We stuck to blunt facts. We are separating. Your dad is going to move out. We plan to stay in the house so you'll not have to change schools or anything. We love you, it's not your fault. Sometimes things just don't turn out the way you wanted them to be.

Both my boys cried. It was heart wrenching to me.

Then my S15 left and began texting me questions, refusing to accept the party line that he didn't need to know details, only that we both loved him and it was between us and not his fault. He wanted to know specifically why. I finally told him that it wasn't my choice, and I didn't really have good answers because I didn't completely understand why either.

I could have gone further about how I wasn't a good enough wife, but I did not. I also didn't go further about how H wasn't a good enough H. I indicated that I thought he was very unhappy and that our home had not been the way I thought healthy for the boys for a while. Something needed to change.

I think as much as you plan, it's going to be horrible, and you'll get through it, and life will go on. If you can't pull your marriage back together - together - it's not going to be ok for the kids; the separation may just be necessary. You will have to help them through it.

I'm sorry for what you're going through. Rely on your counselor, and write here to get it all out of your system, and love those kids like crazy.