This is what I feel like sending W, ( Again I have not but very very tempting) I have found the List of feelings very helpful, in understand myself, and what I was experiencing.
Wife,
Why do you think I would to hurt you? What have I done to you that makes you think I want to hurt you? I have not put you down in anyway. I feel devalued by your actions and words. If you are uncomfortable with me or the decision we need to make, you can tell me without putting me down or ignoring me. You have rights and so do I. I was only been standing up for myself. This is strange to me, that is what you said was missing in me. That is one of the reason you told me you left me, you said, I did not stand-up to up for myself. Look to see who your real enemies are, if you do have any, you should know I am not one of them. I cannot stand to see you as you were that day of the last session, it tears me apart. For some reason I knew in that you were going to run out , that is how well I know you, As soon as I saw you put your scarf into your purse I knew it. This was a fair and cordial conversation. None of what was being discussed should have shocked you. I was being open and honest, and have always been, nothing said there was new. There was more than enough time to prepare. The things you said to me hurt, for some reason you have built me up to be this monster of a person that I am not, a person that I have never been and never will be. I am not anger at you. You know me, and you know it is difficult for me to be a harmful or hurtful person, I have difficult not helping a stranger why would you even think I would treat you any differently. Yes this all has been difficult, there are no winners in this. Both of us have suffered an enormous loss. The wounds from this will run deep, and will leave strong emotional scars, I am willing as I have always been to help them heal. Husband PS When you wrote to me, " Whatever you THINK you are doing to hurt me You cannot", I thought of this list of feelings http://www.psychpage.com/learning/library/assess/feelings.html Please explain to me what I have done to cause any of these feelings, seems to me like you have done that to yourself.
