Don't apologize for bothering her ever -- unattractive. You are conceding a one-down position. Your language and actions need to reflect the fact that you are a prize worth having. Pursuing behaviors must stop and must be replaced with friendly indifference.
Avoid reaching out via text or email because you are giving her all the power to decide whether or not to respond and the waiting will work you over. If you have a logistical need to talk to her, call. Otherwise let her take the lead on reaching out. Don't be too available, if she texts you make her wait, and don't respond with anything that needs another text from her. You are a busy man, your schedule forces you to be brief.
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
Also, any time you text her, make it with the full intention that there will not be a response. Say what you need to say, or what you want to say, in such a way that a response isn't needed.
If you get one, that's fine, whatever. If you don't, you weren't expecting it and it wasn't called for.
Then you won't come here and post "of course no response" which suggests you really were waiting and hoping and expecting one, and felt hurt. Don't DO things that create opportunities for you to feel hurt. That's why they say, no R talks, no temperature checks, no pursuing. Right now, your W doesn't WANT to connect with you so your efforts to connect will be rebuffed. Give space and time.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Thanks everyone for the good advice. I just feel like sometimes this is all a game and what happened to sitting down telling the other person how you feel and what you need from each other? Which I know can't be done right now. Then I'm even starting to question why I want this M to work so much. I'm a good guy, good job lots of friends and feel like she holds me back. She never takes blame in any of our R issues and always points the finger at me. Sorry for the rant, guess everything I'd starting to become surreal to me now. I can't figure out how you can be with someone everyday for so long and just cut them off!
Me:34 W:26 Together:5yrs M:6/4/11 1st bomb 11/11 2nd bomb 1/21/13 W files for D 3/18/13 She's living with her mom S:13 Previous marriage S:11 Previous marriage She has OM Previous FWB
Sometimes the other person is not in a place to listen to how you feel and what you need, and then it is just NOT the time to sit them down and tell them.
It's about doing what you need to do, for you, until you are both at a place where sitting down and telling how you feel would be in the least bit productive.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Your W doesn’t care about how you feel right now. She only cares about her negative feelings. When you try to reassure her about your feelings, you are trying to communicate to her that you want something different from what she wants. Right now she wants to pull away. Let her, agree with her. Don’t tell her that you miss her. Just be friendly.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
I guess I'm getting a touch of anger resent and more than anything hurt and crushed by her actions. I'm at the point of just doing the last resort technique making one last plea. Then filing for D myself. I just got my taxes back and have the extra money to get it started. Guess this is to a point doing a 180 at the same time. But I can't stay in limbo and be walked all over either.
Me:34 W:26 Together:5yrs M:6/4/11 1st bomb 11/11 2nd bomb 1/21/13 W files for D 3/18/13 She's living with her mom S:13 Previous marriage S:11 Previous marriage She has OM Previous FWB
Try taking a deep breath. Relax. I know I've done all the things you are doing. Back off the texts. When you do, or if you do text something you regret, say nothing. Don't apologize or assume that you "messed up" by texting it. Confidence. You will backslide, we all do, but don't shine a light on it. I really think that my H doesn't even find it annoying/upsetting/insert whatever mindreading I'm doing UNTIL I mention it.
You are so new in your sitch. Really work on 180's, GAL, etc. Once you start to detach, you will know when you are done standing. Right now your emotions are all over. This stuff is so hard.
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
I guess I'm getting a touch of anger resent and more than anything hurt and crushed by her actions. I'm at the point of just doing the last resort technique making one last plea. Then filing for D myself. I just got my taxes back and have the extra money to get it started. Guess this is to a point doing a 180 at the same time. But I can't stay in limbo and be walked all over either.
Me:34 W:26 Together:5yrs M:6/4/11 1st bomb 11/11 2nd bomb 1/21/13 W files for D 3/18/13 She's living with her mom S:13 Previous marriage S:11 Previous marriage She has OM Previous FWB
Nothing wrong with throwing in the towel, she has done so already. Just be sure you're doing it because that's what you really want versus in reaction to your current pain. The pain gets better.
I would try going dark for 6-8 weeks before making any ultimatums.
Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
