Diving in with my eyes closed

[keep_going]

Journal away, my friend. We'll be here for you!

((((2Ch))))))

PS - how did your son's surgery go?

[25yearsmlc]

2c,

yes how's your son?

And to re-cap so I get it, your h seems to have said some very positive things. Said he WANTS to reconcile...but is not ready to move back in?

What has he DONE that support the reconciling comments? It's okay if it's not much or if it's a lot. I think I just missed some.

What if you just decided not to decide?

Like, it's great that he's with your son more. And he's not rude or weird to you...but YOU are not ready to say yes yet.

I think Starsky's initial comment about "not so fast, I'm not sure what I want/need for a reconciliation" is TRUE for you. And recons that don't work tend to fail b/c they are rushed, I agree.

I'm not super big on writing a letter b/c I thought you wanted your h to come up with ways to regain trust. BUT IF YOU want or need the letter, so be it. I'm just not clear.

AND if he thinks YOU have too many triggers to move back in, what does that mean? Any validity? IF SO, What are you doing to work on those?

I mean, do you go off on him?
I also agree the money has to be totally unrelated to the letter.

Maybe related to reconciling (I'd sure asssume so) but not connected to the letter. Just seems...strange. But you said you do better communication when you think it out ahead.

Maybe We can role play if you want sometime. Practice what you'll say and make it like a decision tree. "IF he says x, then you say THIS" and "if he says 'y', you react this way instead" etc.

Make sense?

[25yearsmlc]

I posted on your newer thread, fyi.

And btw, when you said your h has made some efforts to be a better h and you can see those signs,

can you list some? What I got from your more recent new thread, was a lot about what you need and prioritizing but what he has NOT done of that...

so, can you focus on what he HAS done that makes you feel he is trying?

I'm not doubting his efforts so much as asking you to look at what your focus mostly is...what's missing.

Is that b/c too much still is not there from him

and or

b/c you don't notice the strides with the same attention to detail as you notice the deficits. Something to ponder.

I think giving him something to live UP TO helps more than expecting and showing him you expect, the worst.

Also a personal question...why have you not ever married him?

If he's so confident things can work out w/you two, would his proposing marriage, be enough of, or at all a symbol of meaning to YOU?

To HIM?

Not to judge at all, but I'm far more concerned about "commitment" when I have a child with a man, than a ring on my finger. If you trusted him to help you raise 2 kids, is there a reason not to marry him (leaving aside for now, the past issues.)

What I'm really asking is

if you did not want to marry him before, was it b/c you had misgivings

OR b/c HE DID, and if so, what were they?

are those being addressed?

Good luck 2c and please keep us posted. OH And I'm going to cut and paste this onto your other thread b/c I think that's where you'll get more consistent feedback.