"The party thing, though, is not like you make it out."
yes it is. She invited people to a party that she is having without telling you. AND worse, you automatically expect to cook, play host, etc. You're being treated worse than a butler. At least the Help know ahead of time when a party is going on.
STOP making excuses.
"I think fear and not having dealt much with anger and keeping it at a distance, away from me, are what hold me back."
Possibly. HOWEVER despite the reasoning, all you need to do is to DO SOMETHING to change this.
"Journaling: W left phone book on my desk after she used it today, something that always annoyed me, why not clean it up and leave my desk like you find it?"
Why don't you TELL her that?
"I used to put it back, cleaning up after her, but instead put it on the ground between our offices, open, keeping it plainly visible and in the way. This passive aggressive maneuver got noticed."
That is grade school behavior. Tell her quite plainly to put things back after she's done with it.
"Tomorrow I hope to trim one of our apple trees, again without asking, and that should get noticed too. On Friday the map is finally available and I will hang it up."
Good.
"One awkward thing is what to say in the morning, when I see her again, after we have spent the night in separate beds. This morning I said "morning", cheerfully, and got an annoyed look for it."
Nothing wrong with what you did. If she wants to be annoyed, that's up to her.
"D turns 15 tomorrow, and her public birthday party is Saturday. "
What did you get her? Do you and your W normally get the kids something together or separately?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
