Well, I'm thinking that some other hard conversations might have to be confronted. I feel that I need to give my wife an ultimatum: if I hear that you have brought my kids around OM or him around them, I will talk with them about what is going on from my perspective. I hope that concern for my children is a bigger part of this than my pride.
Really need advice on this, including how to approach it.
What you describe is setting a boundary. Boundaries are good but you have to be able to enforce them. I'm not sure though how flushing the "dirty laundry" of your W's A out into open is going to help the kids. Seems like it only helps you and is a bit of a back handed slap at your W. I don't think that is how you intend it but that is how it is coming across.
There is a book titled Hold onto your N.U.T.'s. N.U.T.'s refers to your "non-negotiable unalterable terms." If you haven't read the book, you should check it out.
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
Last night I was putting the boys to bed and they were asking me if I was going to get remarried. I told them I am married now. They persisted, saying that "Mom likes OM..." I think that it went really well. I didn't flee from the subject, and I didn't narc on their mom. I really want them to know that adultery is not acceptable and not healthy or loving or good. But I just was quietly resolute, not distant but not combative. I got them to bed and that was that. I pray for someone in their lives who will boldly and gently tell them that what their mother is doing is not right. But it is better for them, I am re-convinced, if that is not me. I hate this. I don't see any hope in my marriage. So why don't I just concede and file for a divorce? Because I committed to this marriage. What does that mean right now? I don't know. Am I just waiting for things to be on my terms? I hope not. Am I just willfully denying reality? Today I am married. I want to consider myself a married person and I want to treat my wife as my wife. I can't help but consider her to have a mental disease right now. But if she were diagnosed by a licensed professional, would that be different? I don't have much respect for such established authorities. Sometimes I wish I did. That would relieve me of the burden of judgement right now, since I'm pretty sure no 'professional' would agree that she is wacko. So then I would just go with how things are done nowadays and fill out the paperwork. But I don't choose to do that. Or I choose not to do that. Or something.
I've been there. It's hard to navigate how to treat your spouse when they are in an A. We still consider ourselves married. But, I'm a monogamy girl. Even though today, I am totally fine with this M ending, I'm not ready to pull the trigger. Well, I legally can't in my state since I'm pregnant. But, you can stand for your M. You just need to figure out your boundaries adn what you are comfortable with in your sitch.
My children are so young, they have no idea what is going on. My H knows that OW is NOT allowed around our children. While, I can't control it, I know he knows if he were to cross this boundary I would make things much less pleasant. Right or wrong, I would. At least today, having not crossed that bridge I would.
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
Why oh why can I not keep away from her facebook? Went to just see what was up since I hadn't heard from her this week. She had posted about hanging out with OM a couple nights ago. Unfriended her. Anyways, I just needed a place to vent a bit (I'm not very good at venting even here, haha). Thanks.
