Bring It On 2013

[BeingMe]

Okay, so he's trying to be a cake eater. I don't know what he's thinking, and really don't care. It's been a long time since I asked him about our R, and I won't do so again. In my mind, I allowed the door to be open a crack until the end of 2012. I asked him three times last year, if we could work on the M ... we were getting along so nicely, and I figured he had 6-7 years previous to over whatever baggage he's got going, or should be realizing he needs help. But, each time he said no, and gave some lame excuse. Then I heard from a friend that he's got some skank, sorry, OW in another city, so I stopped. There is no going back now. The door is closed and locked. I may go out on the odd occasion, but it's just for fun. I'm not sure whether it helps me move forward, but we're still in the same house (can't get it sold), so may as well be pleasant to him. Unless I'm kidding myself, I'm not in love with him anymore ... he killed that emotion, and you know, I let him. I don't want to be in love with him anymore. I've cried my last tear over our so-called marriage. But, I do still care about him. He is the father of my children, and I don't want them to see us fighting, rather see us getting along. I see the socializing as hanging out with a "friend" who'll be paying me a lot of alimony. Hahahaha

Oh gosh, am I making sense here? Thankfully, I've found my sense of humor again. It comes on sporadically. I'm seeing the whackiness in my situation.