No way am I trying to save him! When I say I can't take this on I mean, I will not take on his issues! I will worry, it's human, I will care, he's my h, but I will not take blame, or be taken down. If he hurts himself that cannot be my cross to carry, I have my life, and he has his choices. I don't see him to sick to ask for help, or get help, he is making a choice to stay in pain.
The offer stares him in the face everyday to change his life and stave off this dep, his choices have to be his own consequences. Unfortunately, they do affect this family in one way or another, but we can't let it have detrimental effects.
He may be this forever, he may waver forever, either way he is not a healthy man to plan a future with. His rants are repetitive, and his presences is tolerable (but hurtful and sad) so unless he goes off on some tangent I will continue to GAL around him. I just don't feel it's my place to make him homeless or blow out that candle yet, I also know that time may be coming when I am done.
If I am seeing his stages correctly he is headed to square one, and he will relive it as well. Does that mean right back to the suicidal attempt, same locale and all, maybe, if the last two yrs has shown me anything, I would say for sure.
H asked me to pray to my God for him, asked me to pray about this thing I call L for him and if He's a real God he will help this family. I took this as H really wanting to be right again, hoping I could pray for his miracle, his way back to life and us. But, he won't do it on his own, or can't!
In God's hands! That's all I've got to offer....prayer and faith!
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
