Out of the abyss

[ForeverYoung]

It sounds like your wife would like it if you were more assertive. Same in our sitch.

All of your analyzing has you doing the opposite of being assertive. You are so concerned about doing the right thing, or more importantly, worried about doing the wrong thing, that you appear wishy washy to W. Stop over analyzing every encounter or conversation with W. No walking around on eggshells in fear. Be yourself and do what you feel is best. You want to get her perfume? Just get it. Feel like calling her? Just do it. It’s not going to make or break your relationship either way.

You just monitor and adjust as you go.

This is what I’ve been doing. Instead of worrying/asking what she wants, I more often just tell W what I want.

W would think it weird that I just phone her out of the blue about this when we don't talk except pick ups/drop offs

You’re right, calling her out of the blue about the house issue will cause her to raise her wall. She’ll see it as you hoping to get her back in the M. So wait until the next time you see her, and slip in the question when it seems natural.

Another thing you may want to consider, is start making occasional calls to her about day to day stuff, nothing big that she could see as you trying to get her back. Tell her something that’s going on in your day, ask about hers. Monitor results.

I think our R is better now that W has got the space she needed through S and all the tension is vanishing. But I am getting worried that she would be happy to continue like this forever.

I sometimes feel the same way. Which is why I believe you need to start gently showing her with actions, that you want more. Especially since you know she WANTS a strong man, I think you’ll have to start (gradually) making a move towards the direction you want. Worst that will happen is she puts up a stop sign and you’re back to where you are now.

Now go get her!