I've got two boys, who in 10 years will be considering getting married. Do I tell them, hey, it's fine to date, have sex, whatever, with anyone now; we're no longer committed to each other, we're no longer required to be faithful, because honestly the marriage ended when dad started emotionally cutting me off, and it really ended when he moved out. The rest is just a meaningless piece of paper. So don't worry, as soon as you don't feel married, you're not...go ahead, have fun, move on, you deserve to be happy.
They do deserve to be happy, but their spouses and their honor and self-respect deserve to follow the rules they signed up for, to BE in the marriage while you're in it, to make a good faith effort to FIX it when it breaks, and to at least wait until it's legally over before hooking up with someone else. That's what I think I would tell my boys, and that's what I intend to live.
Great insight and perspective Advina!
I read this a little earlier and it really resonated with me. I have S16,S14,S8 and have struggled with how I will explain things to them when the time comes to have that conversation comes. Your summary is very concise and easy to communicate - thanks for sharing it.
For my situation, I would also consider adding in something like "... you can only control your own actions and are ultimately accountable for yourself - spiritually, emotionally and legally so make sure that you are always striving to be the best man/husband/friend that you can possibly be...."
Thoughts and prayers are with you in your situation. Thanks for sharing your story.
Me-48,W-51 M-22,T-24 S- 18,16,9 Feb-Jul '11 Away from Home, after initial B date Aug-Dec '11 Back at Home on couch Dec '11-now Same bedroom, room mates only Dec '14 W files initial D paperwork
