It's good to be here

[adinva]

Hi - I wanted to tell you there are people who will admire you and love your stepson. You aren't resigning yourself to a future alone. That's what I meant by my post. What you are doing for him says volumes about the man you are.

I think you need to keep working on your empathy toward your W because it will help prevent anger and bitterness. There is still judgment there about what she is doing to her kids. She is probably not waking up thinking how can I neglect my kids today? What can I do to hurt them? She is in pain and confusion, and she is all about her right now. If there is ever going to be a realization of how greatly she messed up and how much harm she did, it is not going to come from you. Try to drop the judgment and stop looking at her choices, and deal with the kids with what IS rather than WHY it is.

If a hurricane took your house you'd be helping the kids through that but not judging the hurricane for its bad choices.

I get through with my kids because an unfortunate act of [God/nature/fate] happened, objectively. We all fell in a hole. Whatever got us into it, that's in my control, I'll fix while I help my kids and I climb back out of the hole.

I still judge and throw slings at my H here, all the time, but I can see it better in your sitch and I'll try to shift my own focus now.