I agree 100% with what you said. I'm still married. Emotionally, spiritually & legally is all tied together for me. Whether my H continues to sleep with OP, I will honor my vows until they are legally done. Period. It's who I am. It's what I believe. And I know how devastating it is to find out the person you pledged that to, feels differently. It's a punch to the gut. The end.
Detaching is not about stuffing your feelings. To me, it's getting to a place where every action your H does, does not affect your POM. But you can't ignore these. What you ignore with multiply. I too was a stuffer. I HATE feeling my feelings. But I wantbto grow. So let's keep feeling those icky, uncomfortable feelings!!
I get being so angry!! Being the one dealing with everything, while they flit around "finding themselves". I'm lonely, I need love, attention, support, sex. But, alas, I must give these to myself & accept help from my friends & family.
You have so much strength, A! You have helped me tremendously!! I will be thinking of you today.
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
