New to all this!

[Stipple]

I thought I'd introduce myself, and start on this long road to (hopefully) a new and improved marriage.

Briefly, I've suffered for years with severe anxiety and agoraphobia which I now realise has badly affected my marriage. I started getting niggles that things weren't right last year and made some big steps in improving myself and our marriage - or so I thought. We started to see a MC but then H decided against it ( waste of time, only out for the money) so I took to the Internet and books.

I have made a huge improvement in my anxiety issues, and I'm continuing with my mini goals that I have set myself. I have also managed to lose that hard to shift 5kg and get my diabetes numbers stable. I'm really pleased with myself with what I have achieved so far.

Just before Christmas, H announced that he cared for me but didnt love me. He wanted us to continue with our business for the next three years, pay off the business debt and house and then he would leave me with the house, sell the machinery and take that money and travel overseas for two years. He has no idea what he is going to do after that. Oh, and did I want him to move out now?

I think I surprised him because I asked for a cuddle! We had a couple of days apart due to work and when he returned I asked him to stay and work on things for six months as I had no idea that he felt this way. He has agreed to stay for six months. We have been talking, and going round in circles, but it is only just recently that I have thought he is in MLC.

There is an OW, she rides moto-x bikes with him and I had thought that she was just part of the 'gang'. I think H feels differently, he says he thinks of her as his little sister but he also says he would like to have sex with her. He had never sent a text message in his life until I asked him not to keep phoning her, then he started to text her everyday. He is open about these messages and will show them to me if I ask. She also visits our home on occasions for meals (keep your friends close,and your enemies closer!!!)

Lack of sex has always been an issue but I did a lot of reading and thinking and I have now changed how I feel about that. I am now more confident with my body, and my wardrobe has certainly changed - shorter skirts, lower tighter tops, and even shorts! The flannel pj's have gone too! I am also trying to take more of an interest in our business, and in H's hobby of moto-X. I have been reading about the 180' and a lot of what I have been doing seems to be along those lines.

We talk quite a bit about our business and possible plans for it. I am going to stop all talk of our relationship from now on unless he brings it up. I am going to continue to spend time with H, as this is so different to how it has been. The OW has a new boyfriend, and she and I have had lunch alone a couple of times. I honestly believe that she doesn't feel the same way towards H as he does about her, either that or I shall nominate her for an Oscar. H is definitely enamoured with her at the moment though.

I haven't asked H to leave. He's a big boy and if wants to go he can. Since rediscovering sex I find I want it more often and he comes in handy! I have started to tentatively make plans for my future, although running the business together for the next three years does make this a bit difficult. I am mainly focussing on conquering my anxiety issues, and if H is around then good, if not, I'll have to do it by myself.

Hopefully this post makes some sort of sense and isn't too scatty! No doubt I will have more specific questions and concerns as time slowly goes by, but I thought I had to make a start somewhere and say hello!