Served

[dorightman]

I had a major backslide. I spent the weekend with the family and was doing great. Spent the night Sunday night because i fell asleep putting my son to sleep. Next morning woke up and started crying. W heard me and was angry at me for crying and disturbing her. It was 6am, she was up writing a paper for work.

I reacted w anger to her angry reaction and things escalated again.

Then, the next day I was reading this book that was recommended here
"The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011", and there was a section on affairs with old boyfriends and reconnecting on Facebook and how common that is.

Well, my W has been reconnecting with an old boyfriend on Facebook, actually, the guy she was with before me. It was just a sexual R, but since we haven't ML in 7 months, it is an issue. He has been posting on her page and she has been liking his posts.

I reacted to this chapter in the book and told her my concern. I told her it was inappropriate and made me feel bad. She told me we are separated and we can have sex with anyone we want to, and I cannot tell her what she can or cannot do. She got so angry that she blocked me from her facebook page.

It brought up all the old issues of me snooping on her, and her feeling that I was trying to control her. I f@cked up big time.

I hope that with time this will pass, but I'am concerned that she wants to sleep w this guy, and that makes me feel very sad.

This all tells me that i haven't detached yet. I just don't know how I'm gonna detach. I feel like I'm incapable of it, and I'm suffering emotionally everyday.

I went through a few months of smoking to make myself feel better, and as much as it did provide some comfort, it hurt me physically and i finally stopped.

I started swimming this morning and I'm going to work out everyday now. It's just so hard for me to be with W and kids together as a family and not feel emotional after a few days. I want my M back so bad and it's just not coming back and I keep having backslides. I feel so down right now, but I know tomorrows another day. I have therapy tomorrow.