Trying to remain patient in this crazy situation..

[sweetbabyred]

You'll love skydiving. I went back in January and had a blast. I'm scared of heights and small planes, so I wasn't sure about it.

And once you realize that you've jumped out of a plane, it makes all your other challenges a little easier.

For days I kept thinking, "yeah, my H is in the middle of a mlc and I'm on my own." and then I'd remember, "I jumped out of a plane despite all my fears, so I can do anything!"

You sound like a planner, just like me. Well, actually like most of us on here. I was proud of myself for finding out yesterday about a festival and getting a group together to go today. It's good to be spontaneous sometimes.

[Lovemyfamily]

Thanks, sweetbabyred - I hadn't even thought of it that way

Of course I'm a planner But yes, it is good to be spontaneous sometimes!

[Lovemyfamily]

So I've seen lots of people where the are working on it one day and the next they are ready to throw in the towel. That's my weekend.

I feel used, like he's stringing me along, like he wants me just long enough to keep me on the string and of course no one else can have me. So he can live over there and do as he pleases. Maybe he is hurting. I don't know.

Last night he came to pick up D and did the 'hide the left hand' thing - I'm sure some of you have seen it. I have heard excuse after excuse as to why he dosn't have it - took it off to work on this or that - the best one was that it got cat diarrhea on it!

So really I hadn't looked for awhile. The last time I noticed was about 3 weeks ago when we went to the bowling party - that night was because he worked on his car.

But it's obvious that he never wears it. I guess it's ok for him to go around acting as if he is not married - so why am I supposed to sit around here and act like a maiden in waiting? Well, I'm not.

So today I feel done. I was nice to him this morning and told him to have a good time on his trip - after he initiated conversation. But that's it. I'm going out of town and then hanging with D. I do not care what he is doing.

Another funny - so the girl that is his 'friend' went to a concert the other week, saw photos on FB. Out of the blue he has a new shirt with that band on it and I'm to believe he got it on the internet. Right. Do you really think I'm stupid? She likes the event he's going to today and I wouldn't doubt she's going along. And I don't care. Good luck with that one. You see where it got both me ADN his ex wife.

I'm on a roll today....

[Tallula]

I hear you. This weekend confirmed that my H is still in contact with OW. I knew he probably was, but was lying to me.

But, I am not going to react to the emotions. I feel done. But my plan is to truely detach. Be friendly, but for my emotional health, no more hanging out & talking like friends. Because all it does right now is hurt me. I'm the one allowing that.

I get being frustrated that they are "moving on" and you feel stuck. But let's face it, neither of us would be good to anyone right now. Focus on you and what you need.

[PatientMan]

I hear you. This weekend confirmed that my H is still in contact with OW. I knew he probably was, but was lying to me.

I'm here too.

But, I am not going to react to the emotions. I feel done.

And here.

But my plan is to truely detach. Be friendly, but for my emotional health, no more hanging out & talking like friends.

And I'm doing a crappy job of being here.

[Lovemyfamily]

It seems so many of us are in the same spot with our situations...
I was supposed to have my first phone counseling session yesterday morning. Ends up I had to take my dad in for minor surgery and I had to miss. But I don't plan to reschedule...

My patience with this entire thing is just about gone.

So as I posted last week, H is still not wearing ring. So I decided I won't be wearing mine either.

I have no idea if the girl he is friends with went Saturday or not - but she's a hairdresser and her vehicle wasn't there Saturday. So that's a big sign (and I had to go by that way to the bank, don't get any ideas lol)

Saturday I had a great time out out town at a concert with my friend and her husband. Except when I got a little teary eyed at a song, she texted my H that he is a d*** and needs to wake up and realize what he has - not a good idea, wish she hadn't , but here came his text rampages.
We again got all of the texts about how no one asks his side, etc. Well, H, in most of my family and friends minds, not matter the reason, you decided to just up and leave. So no, they are not going to have pity.

I have been in contact with the other guy. Yes, I realize this doens't help my situation, but I'm really about over it all. H saw some on the phone records and again made contact with the other guy - threatening him about messing with his wife. Isn't it funny how he chooses when I am his wife and when I am not?!And in a strange turn of events other guy called my H, apologized, whatever.

But what is interesting about that is, once he asked me and went on (another!) text rampage (I know these sound like I initiate them but he does it no matter what) about how we are divorcing anyway. Again how I still haven't owned up to my friends family that I am a 'self righteous bi**h that ignored him'.

So all of those text coming in while I'm trying to get my dad in for surgery. I finally wrote and said I can't read all this right now, dealing with dad etc.

Later in the day he is texting me being nice. Then comes to the house to pick up D and is all friendly, talking about my pretty face, stayed longer than usual and hugged me when he left. Has been texting funny stories about D last night and this morning.

I just feel like he continually plays mind games. And I can't anymore. I will never be able to change enough that will be good enough for him. He is always going to find something.

This morning asked him about a birthday party for his friends son that is Saturday - if he wanted to take D or me to do it. He obviously hasn't told this couple about us. And just like the bowling thing seems he doesn't want to - sends back a random answer about how that's hard because we both want to go to this place with D. I haven't repled but I'm going to tell him he can go.

I do feel like I've been giving this lots of effort for a long time. He is never going to be able to let go of what he says happened in the past. All of this recreation of our history, to him it's all real. And maybe part of it is - I've apologized - move on and quit bringing it up.

And when I really start to think about things, since he moved out he has gotten even more involved in bands, sometimes playing/practicing 4 times a week. Sorry, I can't deal with that. We have a family that should be most important. We all need our fun stuff but there is no reason for it to consume that much of your time every week.

[movingon-1968]

All of this recreation of our history, to him it's all real. And maybe part of it is - I've apologized - move on and quit bringing it up.

Boy, do I understand this sentiment. But to the WAS, it IS real - whether it's logical, true, false, a lie, fantasy or whatever. But, they appear to need something to cling onto to justify their anger.

I have been in contact with the other guy. Yes, I realize this doens't help my situation, but I'm really about over it all. H saw some on the phone records and again made contact with the other guy - threatening him about messing with his wife. Isn't it funny how he chooses when I am his wife and when I am not?!And in a strange turn of events other guy called my H, apologized, whatever.

Yes, it is VERY ironic how they act when the roles are reversed.
Obviously he has something going on he feels he has to defend otherwise why would he go on a text rampage in the first place? Has he exhibited fits of anger in the past? And how did that affect you?

Just curious; I have read your sitch, and many others so I can't recall every detail... You can tell me it's none of my business if you like.

[Lovemyfamily]

All of this recreation of our history, to him it's all real. And maybe part of it is - I've apologized - move on and quit bringing it up.

Boy, do I understand this sentiment. But to the WAS, it IS real - whether it's logical, true, false, a lie, fantasy or whatever. But, they appear to need something to cling onto to justify their anger.

I have been in contact with the other guy. Yes, I realize this doens't help my situation, but I'm really about over it all. H saw some on the phone records and again made contact with the other guy - threatening him about messing with his wife. Isn't it funny how he chooses when I am his wife and when I am not?!And in a strange turn of events other guy called my H, apologized, whatever.

Yes, it is VERY ironic how they act when the roles are reversed.
Obviously he has something going on he feels he has to defend otherwise why would he go on a text rampage in the first place? Has he exhibited fits of anger in the past? And how did that affect you?

Just curious; I have read your sitch, and many others so I can't recall every detail... You can tell me it's none of my business if you like.

But I am getting really tired of being the justification to his anger - I'd even take 75% ownership of our M problems, but it seems he wants me to take 100%. No what I mean?

This past year he has very much gone into text rampages. He will typically only do this in text messages, would not say this stuff to your face. Sometimes it will be voer the most trivial topic and he maybe won't like the way I worder the question...and here he goes, how I still can't ask nicely, etc (see previous posts)

It was very out of character for him to threaten beating up someone tho. Have heard him make comments as far as if a man was doing something to a woman and those types of things, but he isn't a violent person. I think he likes to hide behind his phone sometimes.

[movingon-1968]

But I am getting really tired of being the justification to his anger - I'd even take 75% ownership of our M problems, but it seems he wants me to take 100%. No what I mean?

All too well. My W says she's been unhappy for the entire 24 years we've been married. I know it's not true, but, she's convinced of that fact - or at least wants me to believe that. Those claims have decreased, somewhat, but, I do understand where you are at.

This past year he has very much gone into text rampages. He will typically only do this in text messages, would not say this stuff to your face. Sometimes it will be voer the most trivial topic and he maybe won't like the way I worder the question...and here he goes, how I still can't ask nicely, etc (see previous posts)

There comes a certain amount of bravery when one isn't face to face. Again, using my W as an example, she's said things to me via text that she would never say to my face. Maybe that's their way of getting anger out of the way so when you do meet in person, it takes the edge off. Didn't work that way for me as I was still pissed at the names she called me...

It was very out of character for him to threaten beating up someone tho. Have heard him make comments as far as if a man was doing something to a woman and those types of things, but he isn't a violent person. I think he likes to hide behind his phone sometimes.

Making idle threats from afar; that's normal for some people. I do find it ironic that he may be (probably is) seeing someone on the side, but, you're not allowed because your married to him. Selective M vow enforcement? It's a childish game, really, that he is playing. All under the guise of his happiness above all other things in life...

It sounds like you've come to a decision on your future - or are at least closer to one than before.

[Lovemyfamily]

I haven't been here for a few days, wanted to check in. I'm in such a different place than I was a few weeks ago. And now I'm praying that decisions I make are right.

While I am not ready to file, it is heavy on my mind. I applaud those of you that can keep at this for so long. While I am happy with myself, I feel like part of my life is on hold while we are still in this situation.

[quote=Lovemyfamily]
But I am getting really tired of being the justification to his anger - I'd even take 75% ownership of our M problems, but it seems he wants me to take 100%. No what I mean?

All too well. My W says she's been unhappy for the entire 24 years we've been married. I know it's not true, but, she's convinced of that fact - or at least wants me to believe that. Those claims have decreased, somewhat, but, I do understand where you are at.

24 years? Isn't it great how they make this stuff up to make themselves feel better? Mine says he is the way he is because I ignored him the first 3 years of our marriage. Ohhhhhkayyy.

This past year he has very much gone into text rampages. He will typically only do this in text messages, would not say this stuff to your face. Sometimes it will be voer the most trivial topic and he maybe won't like the way I worder the question...and here he goes, how I still can't ask nicely, etc (see previous posts)

There comes a certain amount of bravery when one isn't face to face. Again, using my W as an example, she's said things to me via text that she would never say to my face. Maybe that's their way of getting anger out of the way so when you do meet in person, it takes the edge off. Didn't work that way for me as I was still pissed at the names she called me...


Making idle threats from afar; that's normal for some people. I do find it ironic that he may be (probably is) seeing someone on the side, but, you're not allowed because your married to him. Selective M vow enforcement? It's a childish game, really, that he is playing. All under the guise of his happiness above all other things in life...

quote]
That is exactly how I feel about all of that. He's hiding behind the phone and has for a long time. I like that term 'selective M vow enforcement'. (well, I don't like it, but it's fitting here!) I do not have proof of him seeing anyone, although there have been lots of 'coinceidents' that would suggest so.

I'm just getting really tired of it all. The rants, the accusations, then moving into the last few days with him swinging back the other way and texting me funny jokes, being nice.

He's only doing that because of the things that transpired over the weekend, he thinks I might be moving on. But we have been here before - he reels me back in and then continues more of his same - with no intention of mvoing back (his words).

Well, I don't deserve to be second or your 'when I want you to be my wife'.

Now some of my bitterness tends to seep out when I get into all this...I know it's there and I'll deal with it.