~need advice with going dark~

[SemperFi00]

If your wife didn't love you for all of those years, she wouldn't have remained w/you. Also, you would have "sensed" if she didn't love you.

They stuff those loving and good feelings that they have for their spouses when the switch is flipped at midlife. What bubbles up to the surface is all of the stunted emotional feelings/growth that needs attention. They need to travel back to the time when their emotional growth was stunted, thus this is usually at a young age. Once there, they will act out and eventually (hopefully) resolve those issues, i.e., come to understand that they were not at fault for the way that they were treated and/or mistreated.

Yes, your wife loved you, but right now, her personality is the exact opposite of the pre-crisis woman. She is the "mirror image of the woman you love. During the crisis, she will try on various masks and personas to try to figure out who she really is. You may see the behavior of a child, a teenager and then an adult all in one afternoon. They do cycle back and forth through the stages, except for acceptance.

The best thing you can do is live your life as if she may not return. If you know that you have some changes to make, then make them and be sure that they are permanent and not to win her back. Take up some hobbies or do the things that you've put off while she is time traveling. You are now on your own journey of self discovery. Time, patience and knowledge will help you in traveling the mlc path.

snodderly, thanks for posting this. for whatever reason, reading this today really helped me advance my understanding of my own situation a little further. Have read many of your posts and certainly appreciate the time you spend sharing on this board.

Negril, sorry for the brief hijack. I am relatively new here so no advice yet but you are getting great commentary from some of the vets.... Stay strong!