Another dollar in my one-man show

[25yearsmlc]

Dbmod said:
Not sure of the potential toll status here (I believe she meant "tRoll" here)


...but the sentiment isn't unusual.and neither is the play out, except for continent. Many men have left in this type of situation and moved on as if they were in a new continent (not sure how many actually move that far away). Many move on to successfully parent the new spouses children or to have more children and ignore the first set.


Yes it has happened. But Bruce, what may happen on occasion does NOT make it right or healthy, even if it seems to "work". DBMOD, what are you trying to tell him? Though I too, have seen it happen...btw. But it's hardly a good idea.

Bruce, feeling violent rage can be a "normal" reaction to offensive conduct, but Acting on it, is not normal.

Are you asking the DB moderator for approval (I think he is, btw, asking exactly that and w/all due respect, I hope whatever answer comes, is a very clear one).


FWIW, I do know one man who left his then pregnant wife back home when he moved out to California to find a home for them and start a new job. I guess he met OW or got into drugs or trouble, I don't know. All I know is he told his pregnant wife and toddler son NOT TO COME b/c "they deserved better" and they never heard from him again.

That was 26 years ago. That h missed A LOT. He'll never know the fine young men his ex w raised, mostly alone. "Mostly alone" b/c she met a great guy who became their stepfather. They love HIM.

They have NO interest in knowing or meeting their biological father.

They were not raised by a biological father but by the man who helped their mother raise them.

They're a very close family, although there is always that wound in the backdrop.

At the oldest son's wedding, he toasted his mother for being the "greatest woman he'd ever known", and the similarities between HER and his bride were what made him choose that bride. The bride beamed as she was not threatened by this. She too, admires Vicky.

Everyone cried as he thanked his mom for being the greatest PARENT he could hope for, and I swear, the whole wedding crowd stood to toast and cheer her and everyone cried. Best toast I've heard at ANY wedding...

The abandoning xh saw none of this^^.

Of course he didn't see his sons mulitple graduations, their awards for leadership or sports, he didn't see the doctor graduate from med school or his other son get his MBA from Princeton.

He did not see his sons work together to invent a medical device that has made millions for them AND helped save lives...he's just not a part of any of that. It's as if he died when he abandoned them.

He'll never meet his grandchildren...the oldest grandchildren of his two older children...didn't dance at their weddings and won't dance at the grandkids...& wasn't at the baptisms...
alas he'll never know what he's missed...he can try to replace it but it's not the same.

Finally, turns out his "new" family learned of the first family and his "new" kids were furious they had half siblings they never knew of. They did NOT respect his choice. I think he's lost both families in effect.

Bruce, Does this^^ appeal to you?


Divorcebusting retains a set of active posters that often has a certain culture. To be outside of the norm of the online culture doesn't make it unusual.

I am of the mindset of the responses here. His mindset doesn't make Big Bruce a troll.

Okay DbMod, you are saying you believe Bruce is real? We're all amazed b/c we are pro marriage and cannot wrap our brain around his proposal.

I accept that it is possible he's real, b/c I sure am posting a lot if he's not. The question remains though...

am I wasting my time posting to him?

Hi,
Dbmod, I'm interested in knowing as well. Is this reaction a normal one (wanting to flee, pretending all of this never happened)?

"wanting to flee" might be normal to think but so few actually do it, I hope you see the difference. Plus, like I said, you wanted to give her everyting last week. What happened to that "Plan"??

Journal : W continues her policy of 0 contact with me. Last time I saw her was in court. She is nowhere to be seen, and does not communicate with me. In return I do not communicate with her, respecting her wish to be left alone. Also we know that any unecessary contact at this point is pursuing, which we don't want. It'll only make her want to make it clear that she separated, rejecting me even more.

True^^

How long has this been now...a month (or 2) of little to no contact?

Exception to the rule, she wrote an email saying : "thank you for the cheque." on the 1st of March (after receiving what the court asked me to give her every month).(I have not paid the arrears yet).
I know it's just a way of acknowledging the passing of money, but still, she could have said :"I got your cheque".

baby step, yes. Do NOT push forward b/c of it, b/c what you were doing, backing off, was helping. So do what works, don't jump ahead b/c you want more NOW...make sense?.

Our wedding anniversary is coming up next week, and I still haven't made up my mind about what to do or not to do. I sincerly hope it's not our last one, so really, I don't want to blow it.

See previously made comments....I gave you maybe 3 or 5 ideas......


I want W to keep a good memory of what I did on 14th March 2013 despite what was the situation.

I don't know, I may only be a dreamer, but if she were to D, I want to be so excellent that it'll cause her to remember every 14th March of what it could have been if...

it's a fantasy we all have and it's not insane. We want to give them something positive to MISS. NOT PURSUIT, but a pleasant feeling or memory resurfacing.

No one misses the anger or defensiveness.

Also, S's birthday is the 20th of March. Again, giving him a big gift might be seen as trying to earn points... suggestions on what to do?


So, it's HIS birthday? Give him a nice gift. It's not about her. Not about how she interprets a gift you give HIM unless you are trying to do something manipulative. What would that be, Bruce? Unless you have an odd thing in mind or a very very pricey gift, why would it be about her or you pursuing HER? I am confused by that. What are you worried about?


I say it's his day. Do what is safe and reasonable & generous FOR HIM...and YES discuss it with your wife. Tell her your 2-3 ideas for gifts to make sure no one else is giving it to him OR that she does not object to it (like a certain type of trike she might think is unsafe, for instance)


And one last thing, W's sister has or will very shortly, give birth. Should I send a card, go see her in her city, write an email, call her? Or is it a faux-pas, might appear as trying to be nice to get to W ?


Sending a card is fine. Don't worry so much about how your w will interpret acts of kindness. Just do them.

Worry more about how she'll see acts of anger or selfishness.

Of course, when you send a card, do not invite yourself over when you think w will be there, etc. Do not actually pursue, and I think you'll be fine.


Man, all these questions would be so simple to answer if W didn't destroy the whole family.

Again?? She did NOT destroy your family. Do you read what we write to you? Please, swear that you do NOT read them. B/c if you do read them, you must think we are all lying OR we're all fools.

Yes Bruce it feels insulting as heck to read something like that statement...



I don't know anymore what is normal to do or not do, to feel or not feel. Yes, I may be a goblin or troll like someone called me after all,

the term "troll" here, means someone who makes up their stories and tries to shock readers with outlandish claims that seem so selfish and self pitying and show extreme changes and stubborness too, that it's not believable that you are real person.

I'm going to trust, a little longer, that you are a real person who is really out of his element. You seem to keep wanting to believe more than anything, that you did not do anything bad, of significance, to get youself here. You seem to believe that if only your wife would wake up, all would be well.

Since we have ALL asked and showed you a number of times how you created A LOT of your situation and only by changing YOU, can you get through this, it's hard to believe you still repeat the same things you said when you first got here....and you really do.

That is why some posters think you are not real & that you are "trolling" the internet to upset people on purpose by being so stubborn. I have to admit I'm having trouble believing you are real.

I'd have to ask the DbModerator to check out what Bruce writes about Africa below and then tell us what you think DBmod...b/c I'm about to resign from this. Clearly I am not getting through. Maybe you can?


my heart swings from wanting to leave the country out of anger towards W to the other extreme wanting to forgive her all and wipe the slate clean.

And yes, 25yearsmic is right, life is unfair, look at Africa, they have it so good there. Man, I wish I could escape to South Africa some days, it's so beautiful their landscapes, weather so nice, fruits so abundant, people so nice... and I'm stuck here.

Check out Darfur, Sudan's Civil War, Nigeria's, Botwana, all of East Africa's food crisis, violence against women, Mali's civil war, massive droughs, Libya and Chad are doing GREAT with their sectarian violence, Tunisia is in turmoil...actually nearly every other country in that continent has seriously huge problems...

SOUTH AFRICA?? Racism is still rampant. Their judicial system is among the most corrupt in the world. LOW literacy rates and the HIGH HIV & AIDS affected population is among the highest in the world. Very high crime, high inflation, low manufacturing, lots of bombings, & water sewage problems leading to outbreaks of dysentery and cholera... The leading cause of death for pregnant women is homicide by their h's.

What South Africa are you talking about? IS there a brochure you're reading from? My brother was just there.

The "Whites Only" areas closed down. Oh, sure the weather is nice when there's no drought..& it does have good fruit. Poor YOU Bruce, stuck in wacky dangerous Canada...

you said you never complained about that place? Yes you have. You have a very negative view of it.. In my MANY posts to you I list tools for you to get help so if you are real, please avail youself of them.

What's the worst that can happen? You won't get your wife back, but you'll have better ways of communication? The way you do it here is not winning you friends so I think it's a great idea for you.

And if there is a chance of getting your wife and life back, it has to be by you truly changing at a deeper core level than you are aware of.

Like the counselor you said you'd see INSTEAD of attending an intensive workshop, "you don't control your w". After all this time I can't believe that surprised/disappointed you...


And with that, I say ADIEU BRUCE...

(Btw, for a Frenchman, your name sure is not Francais...where'd you get that first name?)