Thank you Spartan it was a very tough day for us all.
W was very warm towards all of my family - hugs etc but very cold towards me.
Unfortunately in the evening I did a massive backslide and sent her a text that said "I know deep down you know that this is all wrong - you are a part of this family"
She just text back saying "it's not wrong"
Like I said a massive backslide but I just have to put it down to the emotion of the day...
W 39 Me 33 M 9yrs 8 year old Son ILYBINILWY - Dec 12 W moved out - Jan 2013 OM - Jan 2013 I file for D - May 2013
Intact, just caught up on your situation. So sorry to hear all that is going on in your life right now. Thoughts and prayers are with you! Thanks for taking a look at my posts....
Me-48,W-51 M-22,T-24 S- 18,16,9 Feb-Jul '11 Away from Home, after initial B date Aug-Dec '11 Back at Home on couch Dec '11-now Same bedroom, room mates only Dec '14 W files initial D paperwork
Thinking about you Intact. Don't worry about a backslide. It is gonna happen but try to avoid it. I have had plenty but am better at it now and and have been able to control myself.... it is helping me. Not with the sitch, but with me. I have had plenty of comments like your wife's text back to you...many of them, almost word for word. It does not bother me as much as I know where it comes from. Act as if pal. Act as if.
M17 yrs. me49 xW47 d15 d11
BD1-Jul/11(Affair found out) Therapy 9 months (tried 2) BD2- May/12(sep) Court Jul/13 - I got 50/50 Sold home - Aug/13 Court #2 - Dec/13 Court#3 - Apr/14 ... She lost again We settled.
Very hard few days and I'm really struggling with detachment.
My W is still so cold with me - I don't know what I've ever done to deserve the coldness. I also wonder how I can ever get her to warm too me.
Had to email her today as our son wants us to do something together in Easter holidays. She replied with "perhaps we could meet for a game of football out on the pitch, that would be a good start" not reading anything at all into this as I suggested doing so eing on behalf of our son. Although I do plan to make sure we have a damn good time together!
If anyone has any advice on how I can get her to warm to me I'd really appreciate it. Thank you...
W 39 Me 33 M 9yrs 8 year old Son ILYBINILWY - Dec 12 W moved out - Jan 2013 OM - Jan 2013 I file for D - May 2013
YOU cannot control someone else's emotions. YOU cannot "warm" your W to you unless she wants to.
Also, SHE is not cold to you. You just PERCEIVE she is. She will tell you that she is not. YOU can control this. YOU control how YOU feel. YOU allow this feeling of coldness to come over you. YOU have to learn to cope with this. Think of her like one of those people you see muttering to themselves on the street. If they came to you and started calling you names or ignore you, you wouldn't give it a second thought. YOU are the one who empowers the other person to have that control over you.
That's why you GAL to gain back your self-esteem. Strengthen yourself and it won't bother you.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
YOU cannot control someone else's emotions. YOU cannot "warm" your W to you unless she wants to.
Also, SHE is not cold to you. You just PERCEIVE she is. She will tell you that she is not. YOU can control this. YOU control how YOU feel. YOU allow this feeling of coldness to come over you. YOU have to learn to cope with this. Think of her like one of those people you see muttering to themselves on the street. If they came to you and started calling you names or ignore you, you wouldn't give it a second thought. YOU are the one who empowers the other person to have that control over you.
That's why you GAL to gain back your self-esteem. Strengthen yourself and it won't bother you.
This is excellent advice thanks mr Bond.
W 39 Me 33 M 9yrs 8 year old Son ILYBINILWY - Dec 12 W moved out - Jan 2013 OM - Jan 2013 I file for D - May 2013
Not a problem. Just to let you know, when my W was at her worst, I would imagine her as being that "crazy" person. It allowed me to detach and really just look at her. I would just shake my head, wish her well and walk away. It also helps when they are spewing at you. Once they find that they don't have that power over you, you'll see things much clearly and calmly and know how to react in each situation.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Thing is my wife doesn't get mad at me, or shout at me anymore - it's just like she really can't be bothered with me. Which in fairness is probably the case.
W 39 Me 33 M 9yrs 8 year old Son ILYBINILWY - Dec 12 W moved out - Jan 2013 OM - Jan 2013 I file for D - May 2013
She will get mad and yell again if she feels pressured in any way shape or form. Trust me, I have been there (am there). The perceived coldness is just a start pal. Best to heed Mr. Bond on this. I wish I had started this 10 or eleven months ago. And no, you don't deserve it, nobody does. She is feeling she doesn't deserve it either. But as everyone on here is saying, control yourself.
M17 yrs. me49 xW47 d15 d11
BD1-Jul/11(Affair found out) Therapy 9 months (tried 2) BD2- May/12(sep) Court Jul/13 - I got 50/50 Sold home - Aug/13 Court #2 - Dec/13 Court#3 - Apr/14 ... She lost again We settled.
