Saw W again at drop off today and our interactions are definately getting longer. Was there over 2 hours today and the time passed v quickly. We both seem to have alot to say to each other.
This is good news, keep doing what you are doing and let her lead.
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Still mainly small talk and alot about S but she told me she is now on medication for menopause and was excited telling me her boobs seem to have grown as a result of the medication
And you contained your excitement, correct?
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I have another hurdle in that W mentioned that my parents never sent her a birthday or xmas card. It is the first I heard as I barely talk about her to my parents although they occasionally ask how W is. It worries me as I read a lot of 25yrs posts which references keeping the road home paved smooth and could tell it irritated W. I have been careful what I have told my parents and TBH we dont talk about W other than they occasionally ask how she is.
So next time they ask about her you casually mention that she missed getting a card from them. Maybe they just forgot. If they say they object to sending her a card because she left you, say you understand how they feel but she is still your wife, and the mother of their grandkids.
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So apart from the issue with my parents I feel like we are starting to connect a little. Talks are very light and we are joking with each other (alot like we used to).
Don't let the parent issue hold you back. W is watching you, not them. Tell your parents you love your wife and intend to build a new and better marriage with her. If they love you, they'll climb on board. (and of course they do... and will)
Not sending a greeting card to your W is nothing compared to the manner some family members can end up sabotaging reconciliation efforts.
Continue to build on your connection with W. From what you've posted, it sounds very positive to me.
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But she has stopped initiating hugs and I could use some views on whether I should start to initiate them. One of her complaints was that we did not hug enough outside of the bedroom and she was right.....we didnt! any thoughts?
I wouldn't initiate. Let her lead for now. The last time I hugged my wife, (New Years eve at midnight) she did not hug back. It did nothing good for her and even less for me.
Originally Posted By: rky
FY could'nt agree more re taking it slowly. There is also a big part of me that does not want her to feel forced into moving back in by having no other option? Would she not resent this more?
She may feel that way if it were truly her only option. In that case tell her that it's only temporary, until you both get your feet back on the ground. Then give her lots of space in the M home. (while quietly building up your connection)
For some reason I really think you guys are going to get through this.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
