Also take it as a lesson. NO MORE BACKSLIDING!! NO MORE REACTING!!! THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK!!!
Yes, yes, yes: That's who I am striving to be. A more mature communicator, one who is not afraid to speak what is on my heart but in a mature loving manner. Thank you vero!!
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Give it 24hrs so that you can communicate with clarity. Practice with us, then talk to her. [/qoute] I like this!! 24 hours is a good healthy way to digest and then reply. I heard an acronym that I like. HEAT H= handle your emotions, E= empathize A= access the situation t= take the right action. I am trying to sound this out in my mind before responding now. I think i will incorporate the 24 hour rule as well.
[quote] That's a nice baby step, congrats, but be warned that she may say the complete opposite tomorrow, next week or next month. So try not to get too excited about it, just celebrate it internally and continue with your DB'ing
Right with you AS thanks, I came to a realization about 3-4 hours after this encounter. I want a relationship with my wife, I no longer need a relationship, huge difference. I will continue to detach in a healthy way, make my life and purchase that Harley in about a 2 months.
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Also regarding the above in bold, you don't want to tell her you're just sitting around waiting for her, because she will never have any incentive to come back. A better response might have been "well a year is a long time, I'm going to continue to work on myself and we'll just see where things go." In a response like this you're not committing to waiting around and you're also not saying you're not going to, you're just leaving some question in the air as to your intentions. What you want her to wonder is if she might lose you if she waits around too long.
Point taken, I will use more mystery next time. I was taken completely by surprise and said what was on my heart, before I thought. again H.E.A.T.
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And bravo for your D. How mature and compassionate she sounds. Feel proud. :-)
She has taught me so much through this process. She is an amazing person.
My wife may feel the need to complete the divorce, to get all the pressure off her and figure out life. I do not know what the future holds. I do know i am going to stand a while longer. So it just goes to show how confused the WAS spouse is even when they sound absolutely convinced in their actions. It also shows how much pain they are in. I am learning to empathize even though I cannot understand what they are feeling, I can empathize and understand that they are hurting and offer my support.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
