Welcome Bel. Sorry you find yourself here, but hang in there.
That was a lot of information so I'm not going to address all of it, but a couple of really big things jumped out at me:
1) Stop pursuing her! Trying to hug her, telling her you love her, asking her to do things, asking where she's been, when she'll be back, etc....that's all pursuing. She is telling you she feels trapped and the more you pressure her, the further you are going to push her away...stop.
2) Stop the snooping. It sounds like you have some issues with control and judgement and snooping just makes it all worse. You find something you don't like, you confront in an attempt to get her to stop, she feels controlled and retreats further from you....it will be an endless loop with her going further and further away until you stop.
So what are you doing with regards to the items you are working on? Self-confidence, judging, controlling...those all ring true for me too...how are you facing them?
What did your W think the issues in the M were?
The timing makes me wonder if there's not some element of postpartum going on...maybe others with experience here can chime in.
