Sitting in the back seat!

[LuckyLuke]

I guess the most important thing is to let the kids know and show that you will always be there for them. This has nothing to do with them, and they are in no way to blame. They are not losing you, in any way.

I really would let your W tell them - she started the problem - and has to deal with the pain she is causing. Perhaps there is also a positive way to paint things for the kids? Two places is funner than one or so?

I think the veterans here, who have experience with actually separating, will have wiser things to say, but those are my two ore.

Good luck - and sorry to hear you have been hurting -

Luke

[MrBond]

Have you read DB or DR yet? You are using alot of the DB terminology, but not applying it correctly.

[Occy01]

Thanks for replying. Luke, understand what you mean...

I really would let your W tell them - she started the problem - and has to deal with the pain she is causing.

But I wonder is it not better to show a ' united front' for the children? I also wonder that even though its her decision, did she start the problem? I mean, we are both responsible for where we are right now... Even though W thinks its all me. ;-)
As with painting it positively, have thought about going with the " you'll live closer to all your friends" approach, as I live in the forest, 8 km from their school, friends etc

Mr. Bond. Thanks for your reply. I have DB and DR at home and am in the process of reading DR... Any help/ advice is warmly welcomed!!

[MrBond]

"As with painting it positively, have thought about going with the " you'll live closer to all your friends" approach, as I live in the forest, 8 km from their school, friends etc"

NO. Do not paint it as a positive thing. In the future you don't want to mess up their marital lives. If you spin it into a positive thing, that line of thinking will be ingrained into them and they'll end up leaving their spouses because it's "no big deal".

Have your W start the discussion, but you be there to listen. Discuss beforehand what the message will be. In no way should she say that the two of you are in agreement on this. She should take the responsibility. If she deviates off of that, stop her and just tell the kids that they are your priority and that you both love them. Keep it on the kids.

[sandi2]

What were her complaints about you?

Have you read MWD's article here about the WAW? If not, please do so ASAP!

[Occy01]

NO. Do not paint it as a positive thing. In the future you don't want to mess up their marital lives. If you spin it into a positive thing, that line of thinking will be ingrained into them and they'll end up leaving their spouses because it's "no big deal".

Wise words Mr Bond...I will take them to heart. This is absolutely NOT a positive
thing!!

In no way should she say that the two of you are in agreement on this. She should take the responsibility.

I agree totally. Unfortunately, I know through meeting MC that W has other ideas.She wants to present a united front, That it is OUR decision. She doesn't want a 'bad guy - victim' scenario.

Sandi2... W complaints...where to begin! Unhappy for years. Too many arguments. Too many promises of change, leading to disappointment. Not a respected authority figure to children, more like a whining older brother than a father. bad moods which affect the mood of the house. just don't love you anymore....

There are the main ones. Wow! Really hurts to write it down!!

Would love to read MWD article on WAW, can't find it! Can you give me a link? Its probably right in front of my nose...

Thanks for the replies!!

[MrBond]

"I know through meeting MC that W has other ideas."

Take the reins and confront her on this. Tell her that you will not tell the children something that is not true. And that while you will not tell her what to say, that you do not agree to tell them that it is a "mutual" thing.

[Occy01]

Your input is much appreciated mr. Bond. Will Bring meeting a MC with W today and will surely be discussing this. I agree with you that i could notagree to her telling them it is mutual.

[LuckyLuke]

Hej Occy01,

I am curious - where did you find an MC? We have a 'Familjecentrum' here in town - is that the place?

Thanks,

Luke

[Occy01]

Hi Luke. Don't know if its exactly MC. Its 'familrådgivning/par terapi'. Its a private practice. Use the term MC in this forum so its easier for others. On my way there now....