Finally getting it after three months...

[jp787]

Ok, this is how messed up I am. Oldest daughter wants to apply to four colleges and one in is in the same city as OM that wife had an EA with. That is all I can see, not that the college may be a good one.

Well... obviously you do see it otherwise you wouldn't be pointing it out. That indicates an impulse control problem. Your issue isn't that you don't see it, your issue is controlling your emotions surrounding it. Different issue altogether.

You mention a lot that you are afraid. Can I ask what you are afraid of? Why don't you try writing them down. JP, I've been in this mess for 2 1/2 years. My H tried coming back a year ago. I finally relented 6 months ago. And I left him recently. You know what I realized? I've been letting fear drive the ship. I was afraid of being alone, afraid of being broke, afraid of having to move, afraid of finding another job, afraid of having to date... afraid of all kinds of things. I realized a few things:
[quote=lostinscared]
1) It's ok to be afraid, move forward anyway

2) We tend to turn our fears into catastrophe

Everything I fear becomes catastroic

3) Our fears are based on very few facts

Yes the unknown, my imgination works overtime looking at the worst

4) We are too often paralyzed by our fears

Me a lot of the time

5) We become myopic in our vision when fear is driving us

Yes, me

6) Fear driving the ship ALWAYS makes a bad situation worse.

So... what are your fears?

Fear of being alone has to be number one or my W being with someone else, then failing, having to re-figure everything out, yes I know it has to happen regardless, but there is a security to having my W with me still. Fear of not being loved, losing time with my daughters, although I threw away years of time when I wasnt emotionally there for them. Fear of making friends, being rejected, not being liked, etc. Fear of everything, I feel like an afraid little kid who cant move at times.

I am must be afraid of succeeding and being happy...
I get stressed or afraid and want to go to bed and sleep the fear away.
I think I should print all of my post and all of everyone's replies and take them to my IC lol.
I need a taste of confidence again, maybe that would help get me going.
It seems like every time I get up I don't last long and fall right back down.
I am already feeling guilt for getting so much great advice and not being able to better myself from it.