I also asked if she feels in the last 6 months of seeing MC, does she feel like she has actually tried and she agreed that she didn’t but didn’t know if she can give us a chance since feels she is out of love.
Very similar to what my W said during MC. Just know that many, many couples here have tried MC early in their sitches and I am not aware of a single instance where it helped at all, much less turned things around. More often than not the WAS just uses it as an excuse to say "I tried everything and this proves that it's over."
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She said to give her more space so she can make a decision on even if she wants to try.
That's exactly what she needs, give it to her.
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Same day I called OM’s family and got his number and called him and texted him so we can talk but he did not.
Why would you do that? Don't try to contact OM, that just comes off as controlling and manipulative behavior.
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I perused more and she withdrew more.
Read Dobson's Love Must Be Tough, he explains this dynamic in detail. The more you pursue the faster she runs in the opposite direction. That's why you have to stop the pressure and pull back.
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For months now I have been the one asking for a hug and it feels a one way and I have stopped asking since it makes me feel so rejected that my W that I love is so hurt by me and have lost the feelings of love to even give me a hug or touch me. It is painful and I don’t wish it on anyone.
Pursuing hugs/ kisses/ physical contact are all forms of pursuit and pressure. You should stop all pressure.
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How do I know if this is the fog talking or if she is really done with our M?
Oh she's definitely done. She might change her mind later, but it's going to take months of time, space and consistent 180's on your part.
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Is it still ok for us to go to MC even though W says she hates going there and almost always leaves crying?
MC is pressure, it's likely not helping and it is probably hurting. I would approach her, tell her it appears the MC is not helping things and ask her if she would like to stop going for a while. You can go by yourself if you think it'll help you.
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She says she feels judged by me and other, and am trying to tell her that I am not judging her
This is a typical guy response, we think we're helping by telling them that they are just misunderstanding, but it's actually the wrong thing to say because it basically belittles her feelings and emotions. Don't do that! Ask her how it makes her feel. If she says "sad" then say something like "I can tell you're sad about feeling judged, I'm sorry you feel that way. I don't want to make you feel sad, tell me what I can do differently in the future." And then LISTEN to what she says, and change your behavior accordingly!!
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Is MC still right place to be since that is the only communication about our feelings and the M?
Now is not the time for that. talk about the M needs to be put on hold until she's ready for that, and that will likely take many, many months.
