What I can tell you about everything that you are reading...
It is a GOOD thing that you are taking the time to learn all that you can, about what you did wrong....
Understanding your behavioral patterns will let you understand some of what is going on around you. And your role in the breakdown of the marriage.
Remember though, you are NOT entirely at fault for the failure, no matter what your spouse says to you. You can only accept 50% of that blame. Own YOUR stuff, and stop focusing on the things that you are not responsible for.
You have most certainly taken a look at the most common things that fail in relationships.
One of the wisest things I was told, and it was around the 3-6 month mark for my sitch......
Was to stop trying to diagnose so much, and just live and let the information "soak in" in regards to how you want your life to be like.
I always recommend to read the 5LL twice. Once right after the bomb, and then again later down the road. What happens is, that one really doesn't take much from it during the first read, other than a "How I failed the marriage" manual. One usually finds themselves reading it the first time and thinking "what the hell was I thinking?" Drop a tear in the beer, and wonder how stupid you could be...
There is so much more in 5LL than that. And the truth is, that we never really know that there is another way, until we know there is another way.
The best part of that, is that once we know, then we can't not know again....
Co-dependant No More is a great read, even though you may or may not be co-dependant. If you are looking to assign blame, then anyone can twist the words to reflect the behaviors that they want to see.
DB and DR are on the must read list too, and I hope that you have already undertaken that task.
The rest ? Yea, good books, and relationship orientated, and lots of repeating words in them, but they are all good reads.
Just make sure you don't sit there with your Shirley Temple in hand, crying because they wrote the book specifically for you..Cause they didn't.
One book that I would recommend, that I did not see on your list...
Is..... The Journey from Abandonment to Healing by Susan Anderson
After your initial surge of reading, try to stay away from relationship books for a while. And focus on books that delve into YOUR behavior patterns that you want to change. Focus on those things.
I have seen over time, people that come to this site, and post with with great passion about the things written in the self help books. They can quote the quotes, and know all of the key phrases by heart. And while that is a good thing, and very helpful.... It doesn't say much about how much life experience that a person has, that comes with "living" through those things.
This can consume a person, and overtake any original thoughts about any said subject. You are trying to find you now, what you like, what you need, what you want. That shouldn't come from a book, or another person.....There comes a time, when you need to live, all of the information that you have taken in...
When one "owns" all of the new information that they have collected, then they become "real" and live genuine to their self.
Make sense ???
I dunno, let me explain it another way...
I have a neighbor, that wanted to start raising cattle. And I asked him if he had ever lived on a Farm, or raised cattle before. If he had ever been around then much.
He said that no, as a matter of fact, he had not, nor was he raised on a Farm. He then proceeded to tell me that he had read a plethora of books about cattle, and talked with others that raised cattle. And how that it wasn't a big deal, and he was planning on raising them, and he had purchased a couple Bulls too, and was going to be a full service cattle farmer.
I was raised in the country, and had been around cattle my whole life, doing chores for Aunts and Uncles, cousins and such, so my eyebrow raised a little when I wished him luck with that.
After a few months, cattle started appearing, and trailers hauling cattle were coming up and down his driveway daily. Things APPEARED to be good for him and his new found venture.
A few weeks later, I notice him limping down the drive toward my house, and while we had a little over-the-fence meeting, he raised his pant leg to show me the biggest, purple-est bruise I had ever seen, on his leg. And he proceeded to tell me about trying to herd his newly purchased Bull into a different corral. And how-apparantly-they are SLIGHTLY resistant to change. And about how hard that Bull kicked him.
My response to him, was...
They didn't have that in any of the books ?
Anyway....
That is why I am in favor of reading, learning, and then stepping back as you need to, to be able to really grasp what you are learning. Let it all wash over you, and let it become a part of you.
Intermix your reading with your GAL. Get out of the house and do stuff, try new things. That will help you greatly.
Thought stopping ?
Try putting a couple rubber bands around your wrists....
And every time you think about your sitch, snap them hard against your wrist...
After a while, the pain isn't worth it anymore....
Stop and take a deep breath, eat right, exercise, and take care of yourself.
