Finally getting it after three months...

[jp787]

LOL. I NEVER agree with the camo routine. There's always a way to address with kindness and compassion.

JP, you are allowing yourself on a roller coaster ride that is so incredibly pointless, I cannot even explain. 2 1/2 years my H left me. He explained to me on an hourly basis that he wanted to divorce. He was not happy and he had not been happy for well over 5 years. I was, at times, called many unkind names that I cannot even put here. He was in an active affair. He wanted nothing to do with me. He was making friends with the OW's friends. He was done, done, done and he explained that to me in so many hurtful ways.

A year ago he came back. He didn't want a divorce. The affair (that he still denies) ended. Turns out that I was the woman of his dreams. He loved me more than anything in this world. I could do no wrong. (Keep in mind this other extreme is no more true than the first).

You have no clue how this is going to turn out. The group here I "graduated" with had spouses leave as mine did and stay gone. There are spouses in the group that have reappeared. Doesn't really matter. All the time we wasted trying to figure it out did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING for a single one of us. The ones who are "successful" are not the ones who put their marriages back together again. The ones who are "successful" are the ones who put THEMSELVES back together again. And you don't give yourself that chance while trying to analyze every thing your W does. I know, I know, you want to smack me. You don't want to hear this. But go to Mach's original threads as an example. These folks transformed and ended up finding themselves in the end. I can't say I've gotten there myself. But I have learned some very hard truths about myself these days. And because I have FINALLY faced these things, I have a chance to save myself. Each of us is on our own journey to learn our own "truths." And you have to take your journey just like I had to take my own. But the longer you distract yourself with what is truly meaningless at the moment (your W's words and doings), you are going to extend that journey.

Lots and lots of hugs tp you as I know this is painful as he!!. I am praying for you.

LIS

This was very helpful, it will be copied and pasted into a document that I am making with so much great advice I have been getting on here. I KNOW your right. I KNOW I have to detach and focus on me. I have been looking deep into who I am today and I hate it, I hate it so much. So knowing that I have a direction to go right? I need one of those shock collars that people get for their dogs for myself and use it every time I get off track, although I would have third degree electrical burns all over my neck. I have five minuets of clear thinking and focus, start to think about me, then wham! right back into the sh!t thinking. Hopefully therapy will help a lot, starting new this Thursday.