Looking for a little advice and support

[25yearsmlc]

this will come easier when you see it as Lovingly detaching. Here is a piece on it that's short. But there are a lot of articles on detachment around this site.

BUT FIRST, though your goal sounds laudable (makes son happy to see you two together) it still IS a forced interaction. Probably not what she wanted and I would not place a lot of value on her "agreeing" to it.

It's darn Hard to say "no, I don't want to see you AND son together at my parents house for dinner". It's still pressure and if she wanted to do it she would not have had to 'agree to it"; she'd have been doing it or suggesting it. When it's all said & done, it's a forced relationship she's not interested in now. At this moment, she is not sure she wants to be m to you at all, correct? If you want to do it again, fine.

Otherwise say, "w, looks like you aren't up for it now so S & I are going to go GAL. Let me know if you do feel like it sometime....see ya!" Or whatever Grzz said that felt authentic to you.

Here's the piece on Detachment.


This was originally posted by Peanut.
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II. Detachment
Detachment is critical to the process of altering and repairing a relationship.

Attached, we take personally all that is said, not said, done and not done. Our ego gets wounded and we say or do things that undermine our goals.

We can NOT control the actions of another. We are, however, responsible for our own actions. We are responsible for our own happiness.

If we are detached from the actions of another, we can meet anger or indifference with love.

Met with love, we are in a position to diffuse the situation and transform it in a way that will be in alignment with our goals. On the flipside, detachment allows us to play it cool when we do get a positive reaction from our spouse. It is a way to break the distance/pursuer cycle.

Detachment is not withdrawal. It is not the mind saying, "I am not getting what I want so I must pull back."

It is the natural acceptance of the reality that "I am alone responsible for how I act. I cannot control another person, but I can control how I respond to them."