First Timer

[wolverine1997]

Well, it has been about a week or so since my wife delayed divorce process and I have began using DB skills. I have set some goals, asked for what I wanted, and began doing a 180. Let's see how things have fared.

1. I asked my wife if we could spend some time together each week. She agreed to it albeit not enthusiastically. So far we have gone out shopping, to lunch and dinner and to the movies. The kids have been with us on each occassion. She is always the most pleasant while shopping. I guess her shopping endorphines kick in and she is in a good mood. Also, when she, my son and I went out to dinner we had a pretty good time. A lot of small talk about the food, kids, work, etc. Overall, the results have been ok to good. I will keep doing this since nothing bad has resulted.

2. I asked her if we could talk more. She agreed to this. This has been either feast or famine. She seems to talk more when we are out together but a lot less at home. Also, she seems not to want to talk as much when she gets home from work. I have worked hard on not calling her as much on the phone. I have always called her at work to see how her day was going and when I am working nights (I'm a swing shift worker) I would call to check on her and the kids. I call a lot less now. This is still a work in progress. When she wants to talk, she talks, but when she doesn't want to talk she refuses. I guess that I'll just keep playing it by ear. She rarely initiates a conversation. So I will continue to try to talk and if she talks fine, if not, then I will leave her alone.

3. I performed a 180. She has complained in the past about me not helping more with the kids. I always felt that I did as much or more with the kids then she does since I am home with them more. But I decided to really focus on this and decided to help get them ready for school. Every off day morning (I work a swing shift) I get up and make breakfast. Also, every night I make a lunch for my son. My wife usually re-makes the lunch after I do it but I pack the lunch anyway. So far I don't know if this has helped but I will keep doing it regardless. I actually kinda enjoy it.

4. This week we will go to counseling. I am a little leary about doing this. She agreed to go but I don't think that she will give it a fair shot to be successful. I think that she will go in with the thought that this won't help and use it as an opportunity to air all of my faults. But we shall see.

So overall I guess that I am no worse off than where I was a week ago, so I will keep doing things this way for a little while longer. Any suggestions anyone?