Major backslide

[Hurt84]

Thanks everyone for the feedback. Accuray hit the nail on the head basically. While me seeing that she was talking to OM again (I saw it one day while I walked by her sitting on the couch) definitely triggered me wanting to accelerate the process, we were had been making some progress since she came home granted it also had slowed in recent weeks. Once I saw it, I asked her to stop talking to him because I wanted us to be able to move on from that part of our life without any distractions that could cause us any problems. She said that she was focused on us, and respected my wishes but couldn't promise that.

I also started to get concerned because I got the impression she was a little depressed that some of her friends had their own marriages, families and issues which started to impact I guess the things that they all used to do together. I say this because we used to go on vacations and day trips or split up just the men and girls for a night with this group of friends but we haven't done that as much recently. We were planning a group trip to Vegas this spring which I know she was looking forward to but it turned into the guys only because one of the girls is pregnant with their second, preparing for the new baby and understandably not into the idea of traveling right now while the other one of the girls won't go now because she's decided that she's afraid of flying. I could tell not being able to do a lot of the things she used to be able to do got to her a little - at one point she said her friends sucked. She started hanging out with some friends from her old job (which probably encouraged the A last year when she wasn't happy) and also some newer people from work. Now I started to feel left out.

For a couple weeks I played the wait and see approach and tried to act as if none of this was affecting me. I could see that it was sporadic when she would talk to OM and and that she still seemed interested in the marriage. She didn't go out a lot at all - maybe to dinner with one of her girlfriends once a month and went out one Friday night with people from work - so I was generally okay with things but started to feel insecure when she would make plans without me.

At some point, we started talking about future plans again which was the first time in a while and I thought was a great sign. I saw this as an opportunity for us to set some clear "goals" for ourselves in moving beyond any issues that could arise and went into overdrive to try and talk about those issues directly - all at once. Wednesday night, Thursday night and finally Saturday morning - all basically me saying the same things how in order for this to work we both need to be committed and work on respect, honesty, trust, accountability and love. Rather then discussing, it turned into me rambling to the point where I beat the conversation to death. One of the nights she started to get upset and said she was going to go to her moms in the morning - when she did that I told her, "why wait" and that we can't play this pack a bag, unpack a bag game again. She calmed down and we agreed to try the conversation again - this time writing things down and we'd go off our lists. We tried again Saturday morning but it spiraled out of control and I could feel myself just repeating myself and make it worse but I couldn't stop.

Finally, she said that wasn't happy and hadn't been for a while. She said that when she came home it was because she wanted it to work but she was regretting it now because she feels like she's constantly walking on eggshells around me and resented me for it. She said that we are in this constant cycle of arguing about the same thing over and over where for a while things are good but then its not good enough and it happens all over again.

This lead to me pleading and begging for her to try with me rather then us going at it two different ways. At that point she said that she couldn't keep doing this to herself or us and needed to start moving on. Yesterday she said she wanted a divorce.