Hang in there. Your sitch reminds me so much of my own...I wish I was further along so I could help more.
I will say, the donut deal is an awful lot like an example I gave once about my W missing S13's baseball game. I got so bent out of shape about it, and it was a "normal" response from W....she was always late or missed. Same thing with coming home, late, no communication, nada....she would be in charge of dinner and not come home til 8 or 9. And it always pissed me off.
I don't remember the exact words Mach1 used, but I think the net of it was, "start enjoying this time with the kids and stop worrying about what W is doing or not doing. You can't control her." I simply stopped expecting anything from her, because her track record was awful, and I actually got a lot happier.
These days, W is actually pretty good about communicating and coming home on time, but I still plan on doing it alone just in case. If I say "W, I need you home tonight because I have plans" I still either make dinner, or make sure there is a backup plan just in case W goes rogue again.
Another thing to think about...your comment about the realtor. Do you think that comes from being hurt or angry or something else? Have you thought thru that? Once you understand the basis of it, I think it will help you not do it in the future.
