Looking for a little advice and support

[25yearsmlc]

Little advice?
A couple of weeks ago i told the W I wanted to do a Sunday family dinner at her moms each Sunday for he stability of our 3 year old.

if THAT^^ is the real reason, then your w's presence is not mandatory. You can provide stability by having the routine of Sunday dinner at Grandparents.

But I think what you are really saying is that you want to force your w to interact with you. And it did not work.


Tonight was the 2nd week in a row we have done it. Well this afternoon he pretty much just stayed in her bedroom the whole time. I mean the reason I suggested his was so our son could see us together,[b] but if she's gonna just stay in her bedroom the whole time what's the point.[/b]

well you SAID it was to provide stability for your son, which I assume means time once per week with you at his grandparents...but if the real reason is to force "you two together" then admit that and see it for what it is.

It's manipulative. She wants space from you. You refuse to give it. You talk about her to her parents to get them to ally with you and all of you are pressuring her. How's that approach going for you?


I am thinking I should just tell her not to worry about it. I didn't even tell her goodbye when I left.
What's y'all's opinion?

Back off and be the best father you can be. Your son needs you now more than ever.

If your wife succumbs more to her depression AND does not get help, get your son more. But you've given it far too little time and imo,

you are not being fair. And saying "I texted her to say where I was staying out all night and with whom...I did not cheat on her" is sort of unreasonable.

I mean, 99% of women would NOT believe their h's were not cheating when they were spending a few nights a week OUT all night at OWs house.

She may even believe that if you did not cheat it was only b/c of physical impairment (drinking too much ) but that you wanted to cheat

and or that you did cheat. I don't think her acting depressed and neglectful is healthy or morally great.

But your past behavior wasn't just a few months, like her present behavior. So it puts you in a lousy position to judge or comment. Which means you need to detach and GAL and be a great dad.

Those are things you ought to do for YOU, and for your son AND even though getting your w back is not the goal of GAL, it happens in greatly increase the chances of it.

So does being a great dad, and detaching will give her the space to stop and THINK and examine her choices.

Remember, when you challenge those choices, and question her and demand changes

you force her to defend the choices more...and to solidify them.

Don't do that. Don't fuel her negative images and for gosh's sake, keep working on YOU.

Your sobriety, if it has been achieved, is of recent origin. You can't tell her about the stick in her eye when you barely removed the plank in yours.

I don't mean this to be a 2 x 4 so much as a BE A LOT MORE PATIENT...and when you think you have maxed out on your patience...

then times it by 10...okay?

Hang in there. 6 years ago I'd have given my m a 10% chance of making it...

Don't lose hope so fast. In the big picture, this time of your w's is not that long,

Compared to a 50 year marriage...