Need to let go

[littleGTO]

Thanks, Tallula, ruby, PoN, Tori, BF and bustin,

I appreciate all of you coming to my rescue to give me some good words of wisdom in my moments of misery last night.

Today was better although I was still a bit teary-eyed during church this morning.

H called before he came over today which is new. He asked when would be okay for him to come. He wanted to know if he should come when I was ready to leave to do grocery shopping/go to the gym, as I told him last night I was not comfortable being around him when he was here.

I told him I did not communicate what I meant using the right words--I am comfortable around him--in fact it sometimes seems oddly normal when he's here, but it gives me mixed feelings when I know things are anything but normal. He said he understood.

I apologized for changing S13's bday plans last minute w/o consulting him as if roles were reversed I definitely would have been upset. He said he wants us ALWAYS (there's that word I hate) to be able to do what's best for the boys & to be together for important events.

I bit my tongue as I know this probably won't be possible, AND he is NOT putting the boys interests first by doing what he is doing!

Anyway I tried to be upbeat around him today and we got along fine for the time we were together here.

Again, I took off one of my rings and he pointed out that if I wanted it, here it was! (He knows I value the sentimentally of my rings immensely, but I don't know why he points out where they are if I happen to take them off & he noticed them. Oh,well.)

Our new kitty has a name (finally)! It is Lulu! She is an absolute sweety. Last night after my crying marathon she cuddles up right on my pillow by my face and her little purring motor put me to sleep! She is a little gift from God!