Gobs and gobs of it my friend. They will get where ever it is they are going to go in their own time, regardless of logic, friends, kids, etc. Give her over to God to do His work, you have your own to do right now.
Hang in there!! T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Gobs and gobs of it my friend. They will get where ever it is they are going to go in their own time, regardless of logic, friends, kids, etc. Give her over to God to do His work, you have your own to do right now.
Hang in there!! T^2
This was (and still is) the hardest part for me to accept. Nothing we do will speed the process. Nothing we say, no amount of 'changes' we make. It seems we can make things worse by butting in too much though.
Mn: You have received a couple of golden posts from misjjd and snodderly on the previous page. Read them often and take their wisdom to heart.
We're all pullin' for you!
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
W made it to church with us. We were the happy family, though many know better. The friend that she went out with last night came up to me, gave me a hug and said praying for y'all.
Very frustrating. I sit there and think, "are you listening to any of this?"
Patience.
You don't want anyone else pressuring her to "do the right thing" either. Keep close family and friends out of the details. The best thing you can do when folks who know anything about your sitch approach you, is to let them know you are, and will be, ok.
Having families on both sides pulling for R or D only adds pressure to both of you to "do something" to end the pain they see you are in. Show no pain and they will relax their concerns, and more importantly, their meddling.
Having said that, you do need one or two persons you can confide all to, who will say nothing to anyone else. This has to be someone not close to your wife.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
They are not hearing the same things we hear. Early on in my sitch the mc asked how long we had been together. H answered 4 years. C asked again you have been together 4 years? He said yes again. We had been together over 9 years married 4.
Finding 1 or 2 close confidants has been huge for me, those two people have helped me so much in being comfortable around the other friends and neighbors that I am not as open with.
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
Thanks again everyone. W was actually pleasant this Sunday afternoon. She came home from church and crashed on the bed. I had to go get her moving for a funeral and she had her teenager complaints about having to do something on her Sunday. Walked over and put her head on my shoulder. I got a good long hug out of it. She commented after the funeral that she doesn't cry at funerals anymore since starting anti-depressant (hello!). Later she pitifully questioned why I didn't turn her car seat heater on and then again when I asked what she wanted to drink (have you already forgotten?). She playfully said, "you don't care about me anymore." I just laughed and said you know that's not true.
On the drive home she was ripping a mutual friends H for not ever helping with the kids. Looked at me and sarcastically stated that there's always one parent that has to do everything, and then winked. I almost believe that she is recognizing what she would be giving up, but is powerless to stop it.
In true teenage fashion, I'm expected to be there for her but the reverse does not apply. I will continue to show her love, and give her space. I can see that I'm getting stronger and learning more about what to do. Ok, mainly what not to do in my case. I really appreciate everyone's advice and encouragement.
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
Just caught W texting with another male. She doesn't know it. Very, very hard to be cool and not confront her. Every nerve in my body wants to send her out the door with a long angry sermon on her way.
Pray for me folks!
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
Made it through the trial without confronting W. I'm struggling with the thought of why I'm fighting so hard for someone who I no longer respect. At least not the new W. she disgusts me and I can barely stand to see her.
S9 is starting to show signs of stress related to this. Quick temper, arguing with everyone, acting out, etc. W stated that she can no longer control the boys. She's blinded to the fact that our situation is the primary cause of this. She thinks its preteen hormones. So angry at her stupidity.
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
I'm struggling with the thought of why I'm fighting so hard for someone who I no longer respect. At least not the new W. she disgusts me and I can barely stand to see her......So angry at her stupidity.
I'm in the exact same place bro. Our appt with the mediator is next week. I guess her last request for D was the straw that broke the camel's back. Since then, all I can see is the new zombie W. Selfish, confused, cold, indifferent, lying, and just generally stupid. The polar opposite of the woman I married.
The new but far from improved W has so poisoned the well, I'm even having trouble remembering what it was like before BD!?! If I think about STBXW, all I can see in my minds eye is the drive home from our first and only MC session. She screamed STFU at me when I tried to talk to her and continued to scream how F'd she was over and over. The MC told her she couldn't have a H and a BF at the same time. That was the moment I knew we were in uncharted territory. I never thought it could happen, but after 5 months of this, I have truly stopped giving a sh#t about her. I do feel very bad that my kids, like yours are seeing and living this as well. J
Me42 W41 D10,D15 T25 M23 LYBNILWY 09/12 OEA 08/12(?)-ended? 01/13 Sep 01/13 I file 04/13 1rst D hearing 06/13 Currently in mediation
Thanks J. I've heard the request to be allowed to date while staying married. That got a good laugh out of me. And my W let me have the F-you/this speech on the way to MC. It was like dragging someone to rehab to stop doing drugs, instead of an attempt to save her family.
Mine is the polar opposite of who she was too. A real sweetheart for years, but now is a complete dud. I was thinking the other day, W doesn't cook, clean, do laundry, or grocery shop (until two weeks ago). She spends money like crazy, is gaining weight, and has a habit of drinking too much. Call me crazy, but she's got an uphill battle on finding someone to deal with that long term. Short term (getting the goods), sure.
Good luck with mediation. If W pushes for a D, I'll be going through the same. The first time she mentioned D I told her she would get the boys every other weekend, and they would be with me the rest of the time. I truly believe that was the one statement that has caused her to hit the brakes. In typical mlc fashion, she thought I was going think she was doing me a favor by giving me time away from my kids. Who doesn't want to be able to go out and party all night?? Uh, no thanks.
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
