Less lonely, not scared..low on patience

[JBolt]

Her email to me was titled 'tomorrow'. I didn't know what she meant by that. Had she filled out the substantial amount of paperwork and worked her swiss-cheese brain to develop a joint custody plan and calculate child support as required? Did she intend on filing tomorrow?

I called her a few minutes ago and, as I suspected (knew), she has not even looked on the court website to see what docs would need to be submitted. She has no freaking idea about any of it. No doubt she is handing this off to me. I am going to contact a mediator tomorrow. I am going to make a proposal that will express my desires as to how things should be mediated. I am going to do what is best for me and my children. She is clueless. It's just pathetic.

I told her I had always hoped she would take control of her own life, I just didn't imagine it would be at the expense of us and our family. She said, what do you mean. I said I always knew you could do more, follow your ambitions, etc. She said, and you were always disappointed in me because I didn't and that was one of our problems (she is very, very hard on herself, serious self-esteem and confidence issues). I said no, I was not disappointed in her, I just wanted the best for her. And then I said I would let her know when I could get the mediation appointment and send her my divorce agreement proposal when I can.

She is making the biggest mistake of her life and as usual, she needs my help to even get to step one. After this is finalized, I will not be in that role again. I will bet my left you know what, heck, both of them, that within 2 years, probably less, she will realize our marriage was not the issue and what she lost to find that out. I don't know if she will ever let me know that, I don't know if I will even want to know by that time, I don't know if I will even be available. I suspect not, as she said, I'm a very good catch.
j