Crimson........Winds of change blowing???

[azguy]

Crimson, I have been reading through your story this weekend. You counseled me, on my thread, to have patience, and I can really see how you are living that advice. I am impressed with your consistency and presence for your XW as she sorts through her issues.

LIS's advice to view your XW's behavior from the perspective of a trauma she has suffered seemed spot on. This is likely something that has triggered some very deep fears in her. With my XW I managed to trigger her fear of abandonment by threatening that I was through with the relationship. You may not have done anything so deliberate, but the advice to validate and see it from her perspective is stuff I try to take to heart.

Have you, or others on the thread, read "Hold me Tight"? I found it a very accurate description about how couples can fail to be there for one another in a relationship. What I liked about the book was that it argued that as these bonds were strengthened it became possible to revisit traumas in a relationship and provide reassurances for your partner. It's very similar to a lot of the advice I'm seeing here. So, maybe now isn't the time to heal the wound from the D, but you can have hope it is something you'll be able to address as things progress.

Wishing you strength for your patient journey.