Be civilized with STBX

[mstoadswildride]

Hi AnotherStander,

STBX is returning to the US this Friday. He has made no contact, expect a curt email to d15 & d17 that he will be in China until March 8th.

I sent an email to him saying that I am moving on, I forgive him, and thanking him for introducing me to God. I have not heard a peep from him. It's like he has dropped off the edge of the world.

When he returns home, he is suppose to get the house ready so he can put on the market. Can you let me know if I am doing the correct things?
* not going out of my way to help get the house ready(he sees the house as a debt around his neck, not that he is displacing the girls and I).
* be pleasant & friendly.
* he is suppose to come on weekends to fix up the house. I am going to go to work, take care of the girls and not change my routine.

I started the 180 in September 2012 when I found out about OW and he filed for divorce. I didn't communicate or see H for four months. He contacted his daughters sporadically and was upset that they didn't respond to them. He took off for Thanksgiving and Christmas without telling us where is was going.

In January 2013, he started emailing me with reminders from D17 & D15 about school activities. He tried to send a couple of emails being funny and trying to make conversation. I ignored those emails. I only replied to emails concerning the girls and finances.

D15 had her first winter formal date in January. I felt it was important that her dad is present for this occasions. I was pleasant & cordial. He was so appreciative that I invited him to take pics of his daughter.

A week later, I finished turning in all my financial disclosure to my lawyer. H didn't waste anytime in setting up a meeting with him and his lawyer and my lawyer and I.

The night before the meeting, my parents and sister came over to review all my paperwork making sure what kind of settlement I should expect. They encouraged me to phone H and see if we could save money and settled without lawyers present.

I called him. It was going okay, we were going to meet and talk about finances. Then I opened my big mouth and started telling him what I have been going through the last 4 months. I knew he wouldn't listen to half the stuff I was saying, but it was sure nice to get it off my chest. At the end, we decided to settle everything with the lawyers.

I kept my mouth shut during the meeting and let my lawyer do all the talking. It was a good settlement for my girls and I. I broke down once when H wanted to sell the house.

He left the next day to China. He is starting his brand new life with his new love in Chengdu. OW is a co-worker. He has gone dark on us.

So how should I act when he is home?I want to be detached, continue with my routine, treat him like I would an acquaintance and when it gets uncomfortable, I will leave the room.

Thanks,
Ms. Toad